A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'd love some advice on how to approach the issue of 'progressing' in a relationship with my bf. He's nagging me to move in with him, and I don't want to yet. We've been together 20 months, and have been pretty happy the whole way through except for his sexting another girl right at the start of the relationship. We both work full-time, and see each other maybe 3 times per week. I loved how our relationship was, which was meeting up, hanging out, having fun, lots of kisses, lots of passion :) But lately things are changing. He likes me to go to his place when we meet up, generally we eat together and then watch TV which is so boring to me! Sometimes I persuade him to come out for a walk/bowling/cinema/for a drink with me, but he's not very enthusiastic these days and never makes these suggestions first anymore :( He has been asking me for over 6 months to move in with him, and I still don't want to. He got annoyed with me today, saying he wants our relationship to progress by us moving in together so that we can see each other more often and save money to buy things jointly, e.g., holidays, things for the house. But I tried to explain that I don't see any reason to rush into living together...what we have is great! (Well, was great) and I don't want to lose all the fun and exciting bits by moving in together, seeing each other lots, getting complacent, looking for excitement elsewhere (this is what I worry he will do). So then he got mad and said he feels like a part-time boyfriend, and started comparing us to his friends-such and such were living together after 4 months, such and such after 6 months (and have since been married and divorced!!). I'm not sure what to do. Do I take a risk and do what he is asking me to do? Or do I follow my head and my heart and not move in for a while longer? And how can I explain my reasoning to him gently in a way that he understands without him getting cross?? Thanks for any words of wisdom :) x
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (30 May 2012):
 Janniepeg's comments are right on target.
I will only add this: for heavens sake, if you don't want to move in with him, then DON'T! Unless of course you want to be even more disatisfied than you are now and relish the idea of being thoroughly miserable in short order, that is!!
The heck with trying to explain "gently" to him the reason you don't want to. You tell him you've thought it over and it is not workable for you. That's all you need to say.
It's your choice, and your life and happiness. If he gets cross, he gets cross. So be it!
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 May 2012):
 He is emotionally blackmailing you. It is senseless to move in with him when you suspect you won't be compatible together, and you think he will be sexting other girls. He wants you to move in because it's easy access to sex, he saves some money. Dating and courtship should be life long. It is not a bait to trap someone in a live in situation. If he gets mad let him be. When you said not move in for a while longer? Does that mean you are waiting and hoping that he will be enthusiastic again? What if he impresses you for the next few months, persuaded you into moving in together, then fall back to complacency? You have to make it very clear that watching TV is not quality time together.
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