A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ignore the age, I'm actually 17.I need some advice, I have this friend and I love him but somehow he really doesn't seem to know. About a week ago I slept with him and then he said not to say to anyone what happened to avoid scandal. He is quite happy to move on as if nothing ever happened, whereas for me he is the first guy I let in emotionally and the first I had sex with. But he doesn't seem to get how rejected and used and hurt I was after that happened.I am totally torn, on the one hand I don't want him to know that it has affected me and I just want to act cool and on the other I want to make him feel guilty and understand what he did, but I also kind of want to go up to him and punch him in the face.The other thing is that I kind of want to see if I act cool maybe it could turn into FWB, which I know I can get even more hurt by, but I still would really really like.I'm going to have to see him on a regular basis because we're involved in the same type of stuff and I don't know what to do.So, what should I do?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 May 2010):
The whole 'make him jealous/guilty' thing won't work. It never does. Plenty of women and men have tried to make their partners/lovers feel bad like this before. And it doesn't work. Ever. Do you really think a guy who has used you and just moved on is going to feel bad about it? I'm sorry, but he won't. If you punch him, you'll look bad, if you try to make him feel guilty, it won't work. And don't bother with the FWB thing either. If you can't handle him doing this once to you, you'll never handle it when he does it over and over again, only to leave you for someone else. Your best bet? Move on now before you get even more hurt. In the future, spend more time getting to know men so you know what they want, or you'll forever be the girl who gets used and hurt. But don't bother with this guy and trying to make him feel guilty. He won't care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): God I hated 17. If he wanted to date you, he would not be keeping things in the closet.
Leave him be. He is not worth you. Be convivial and pleasant. And nothing more.
Why go for second best, fwb which you don't want. Respect yourself better than this. Learn it now so you have fewer people disrespecting you through your late teens and early twenties than I did.
My two cents.
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