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*aseypet
writes:I have written previously about my boyfriends anger problem...which I think is hereditary. He is Italian and hot tempered. I wonder if my only recourse is to ignore it if I want the relationship to work. He gets upset all the time. If something upsets him, hes mad at everyone! Many times he wont even say what is bothering him, he just storms off or says "i will talk to you later". Do I have to give up on him? So many aspects are wonderful with us, I just cant take his temper Reply to this Question
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female
reader, caseypet +, writes (6 April 2010):
caseypet is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks to all of you for your answers! They were diverse, yet had a common thread. I will take everything into account and try to figure out what to do or not to do. We are "not" speaking too much right now. Im ignoring his last outburst "over something stupid". We are just texting LOL! This seems to help cope until he calms down and realizes he was mad over Nothing again :) Thank you!!
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (6 April 2010):
 If you love him and can accept his ways, you can just ignore his anger or avoid saying anything or do anything until the storm blows over.
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reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (6 April 2010):
 I totally agree that the guy is childish.
I know loads of Italian guys that are nice and sweet... our music teacher was Italian but never lost patience with us. Of course the fact that I can sing rather well may have helped. :) At least people tell me I can sing :)
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (6 April 2010):
I don't think you can stereotype all Italians as being hot tempered but of course every culture has differences and it's important to understand them.
It could be that the guy is just temperamental. I'm afraid that you can't change someone else... you have to take them as they are, unless they decide they wanna change. Change, however, comes from within and you can't force a person to change. He's in control of his behaviour; you need to sincerely, and I mean sincereley, tell him that his anger is upsetting you.
There are good and bad in all nationalities, but like I said, every culture is unique and has different rules.
I think Mexicans and Spaniards are the sexiest in the world. I don't know that many Spanish (as in, from Spain) guys but most of the ones I do know are elegant and nice and sweet.
I'm super attracted to Mexican guys, the vast majority of them don't have these anger issues. We've all heard the stereotypes about "machismo," but I have lived down there and I've noticed that a lot of Mexican guys are mild mannered and sweet. I haven't found one that loves me back though :-( Ni modo (oh, well).
With dogs, you have to reward the desirable behaviours... if you reward bad behaviour, you have a spoiled or confused dog... and of course you don't harshly discipline a dog... you have to reward the good behaviour in order for the dog to understand.
If the dog has a behavioural problem or anger issue, that's another story. My dog was never aggressive (people that say German Shepherds are mean don't know what they're talking about) but she was abused before we got her and had some fear issues... she needed lots of love before she understood that we would NEVER hurt her.
The difference is that dogs' behaviour problems can be corrected because dogs by nature are loyal and kind, until idiots abuse them and fuck them up. Unfortunately not all people are loyal and kind, they have to choose to be... it's not intrinsic to our nature the way it is intrinsic to dogs.
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reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (6 April 2010):
"I wonder if my only recourse is to ignore it if I want the relationship to work" well- is it working? I don't think so, or you wouldn't have posted the message.
Another way of saying this is:
"I fear that I have to give up my idea of a healthy relationship and live with a lot of anxiety if I'm too scared to be prepared to terminate this sick situation"
Now, go think about that... and here's a fact- his anger is not hereditary. That's a complete cop out. It's not in his DNA, it's in his upbringing. If he was around ragers, he learned it. It can be unlearned, but he has to CARE about you and your feelings. If he was also learned to treat women with no respect you need to get out... as you're fighting a no-win battle.
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reader, A Man +, writes (6 April 2010):
I think plenty of guys get angry, especially with nagging girlfriends :)
But honestly, it sounds more like a rage problem. I don't have to tell you this can lead to violence, toward you. Even if it's accidental, it's still inexcusable. Tell him that it's a big issue with you and you can't deal with it anymore. Suggest he takes an anger management course. Also, many health issues can cause rage, bad blood pressure, hormone inbalances, etc. Have him see a doctor to see if medication can help. If none of these work, or he's unwilling to try, your going to have to move on to someone calmer. If it's bothering you now, you definitely won't be able to put up with it later on.
Oh, side note. Guys storming off when we are angry is totally natural, and should be praised. We can't think straight and we need some space in order to enter our calm cave. When we are calm, then we'll talk.
Hope this helps, good luck and peace be with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): I am with such an Italian and relate to both of your answers... if you want to stay with him Miamide offers a temporary solution as long as he is not old and his stuff no longer works, Tisha offers raising your personal awareness and vibration by promoting healthy surrounding vibrations, perhaps a better matched mate.
It all depends on where the person is at with and what they wish to achieve.. Frankly if they are displeased and questioning the temperment in the first place, this is good feedback that they truly are not comfortable around the vibration and controlling it does not suit there belief, thus I greatly sway toward Tisha. People do things for each other to an extent because they love them and appreciate a harmonious relationship, the question is will this be enough and can you tolerate keeping up this behavior for the term of the relationship with him since this is an "imbread" personality trait for him?...
What makes you comfortable - making your man happy primarily and will this be fun or work to you, also do you feel down having to think on this all the time and prefer a raised vibration?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): LEAVE! I married a man with a bad temper and when one thing upsets him he takes it out on me even when I have done nothing wrong. We were in counseling for a little over a year and he takes anti-depressants and that helps some, but when he gets mad oh my god, everyone watch out! We have been married almost 15 years and while I do love my husband and our children I would give anything to go back and fall in love with a man without anger issues. He has never hit me, but I think verbal abuse it so much worse in many ways. My oldest son is just now becoming a teenager and he is showing the same problems. The main reason is because that is how he's always seen his father react. My husband will cuss myself or my oldest son out in a heartbeat if he perceives we've done anything he doesn't agree with. I am miserable in my marriage, but am too deep to get out. Since counseling and medication he has gotten much better and my youngest son doesn't have the anger problems my oldest has. My husband still loses it at times and everyone in his path that he 'cares' about has hell to pay! If you really love him, try counseling, but honestly if you have the option just leave. If he doesn't direct his anger directly at you, HE WILL! Please don't end up like I did. Don't get stuck in an almost loveless marriage and realize you've wasted so many years you could have spent happy with someone else who gives you the honor and respect and deserve. Get out while you can. I never left, mainly because of the fear of the unknown and not wanting to grow old alone, but looking back the unknown couldn't have been any worse than the hell I've endured over the past 15 years!
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reader, Miamine  +, writes (6 April 2010):
 List is expanded.. Texans also fit the type of guys who are manly, like girls and make too much noise.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): hello dear!
I have same situation. I cant take any more. Please dont ignore. If u are not going to take it seriouse he will start to insult u.Relationship work if both parties compromise with each other.
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reader, Miamine +, writes (6 April 2010):
PS: Tish is absolutely right.. I never date Jamaicans, Italians or any of them type of guys.. much too hard and bloody exhausting for me... but they sure are sexy.
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reader, Miamine +, writes (6 April 2010):
lol.. yep Tish, they is very noisy, but they also like women are are usually good in bed and life with them is exciting..
You spends your money and you ride the big wheel....
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 April 2010):
 Once or twice, fine. But a life of upset, flung bottles and irrational fighting? Nope, not for me. Bless you for your patience and calmness, but I would be so outta there!
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reader, Miamine +, writes (6 April 2010):
Damn, can someone open the window.. it's hot in here cause we is talking about stupid manly men...
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reader, Miamine +, writes (6 April 2010):
Tish me darling woman... I'm only telling you what works... as you know, I'm Jamaican, and I'm attracted to the Mediterranean type of men (especially Italians) and they are attracted to me.
It is necessary to give kisses, they get into such a rage that they can't see sense unless the woman is gentle... Some dogs are the same, you have to take away the threat and then they will behave..
After that... you can tell him off, you can hit him with a nice big stick and he will promise you the world... But when he is raging and hot, only a soft, sensual kind woman's words will do... afterwards, he is sane and you can treat him like the bad boy he is.
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reader, Miamine +, writes (6 April 2010):
Yes it dose work.. in the middle of a fight, with bottles flying and the police on the door, if you have the courage to avoid his arms, the bottles and the fists, and start kissing and stay kissing, the stupid Mediterranean man will calm down.
Men with Mediterranean temperament are some of the best in the world, you can make them do anything as long as sex is involved.
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 April 2010):
Miamine, may I point out a fatal flaw in your reasoning? The problem with your approach is that you reward the undesirable behavior. You would know this if you had a dog. People think they should give a barking dog a biscuit to make him quiet down. All this teaches the dog is that if he barks a lot, he gets treats. The opposite of the desired behavior is rewarded and hence, you wind up with a fat, yappy dog. Now we don't want that, do we?
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reader, Miamine +, writes (6 April 2010):
Man with Temper is Unacceptable.. however the Italians, the French, the Brazilian's and the Jamaicans don't count..
We will class them as having "Mediterranean temperament, and they are a different type of man species and different from the rest. (even though Jamaicans are Caribbean, and French and Italians are European.. they all seem to show the same temperament, which is stupid and hot"
Luckily, even though they get angry and behave badly.. they also like sex a lot. Therefore the recommended treatment is to kiss them every time they open their stupid mouths... in an emergency oral sex may be needed.. they like loosing their temper but they like sex more than anything in the world.
Everytime you man says something stupid or starts to loose his temper, you must kiss him and kiss him until he comes back to normality and comes back to earth... These men might sound frightening, but they like sex and therefore are easily controlled... these men like women, so you must grow strong and remain in the driving seat.
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reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 April 2010):
 No, NO NO NO. Do not ignore your boyfriends anger. How can a relationship work if the only way it will is for one partner to have anger issues and the other to have to ignore it. Is that really the way you want to live the rest of your life?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 April 2010):
I personally could't live with a person who was so childish he couldn't manage his temper. It's disruptive, selfish and unnecessary. Every day, a little stress. How old is this guy? He's not going to improve, I think.
I can't speak for you but I wouldn't tolerate it and would sadly send him on his way.
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