A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am currently at university and have fallen for a guy, I found out that he also likes me...everything was good! Then he told me that before we get together he needed to tell me something, He was completely honest and said that if we got together then he would not be able to tell anyone as his parents would not approve of him dating me...the reason for this is because I'm english and he is indian. I completely respect their culture but want to know whether getting involved in this is stupid as its not going to last. Or do I just enjoy what time we have together at the risk of getting even more hurt???
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female
reader, Danya  +, writes (23 December 2009):
 Diffrenet cultures are diffcult to understand some time. If you really like him and he is so nice maybe it worth fighting! Or maybe you are the one who would change some thing. Follow your heart, people come and go but you are going to meet some one you like and love every day.Think a bout it !Good luck=)
A
female
reader, chick989 +, writes (23 December 2009):
to anonymous: my boyf spoke 6 different language and arabic happened to be one! i didn't know what religion he was, she did not state - i was just giving some of my experience
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, thanks for all the advice wanted to clear a few things up....this is not a religion problem, it is cultural...his grandparents are very stuck in their ways and because of this so are his parents. He is not muslim, he is hindu but he does not practice it like most other people. And while I understand what everyone is saying I still can't help feeling used like what the anonymous writer said. He is a very honest person and known he is doing this so I don't get hurt, but he seems to think me knowing this will help me not get attached...boy could he be too wrong!! :D
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, thanks for all the advice wanted to clear a few things up....this is not a religion problem, it is cultural...his grandparents are very stuck in their ways and because of this so are his parents. He is not muslim, he is hindu but he does not practice it like most other people. And while I understand what everyone is saying I still can't help feeling used like what the anonymous writer said. He is a very honest person and known he is doing this so I don't get hurt, but he seems to think me knowing this will help me not get attached...boy could he be too wrong!! :D
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): I don't think this is about his parents. It is about him. If he is telling you upfront that his parents' would never accept you that means he has already accepeted defeat. This is like getting into a relationship with an expiry date.
All Indian parents are not the same. Some may welcome an interracial bride, some may not even accept someone with a minor caste difference.
But if he says this, I'd back off. He should get his parents' permission to date a girl! Why would you start a dead-end relationship, knowingly?
One may say he does not sound like a user because he was honest. He could have easily not told you and then dumped you later. But even so, his telling you now places the ball in your court. He is taking no responsibility. Run!
Put your foot down and forget about him for now. If it is really meant to be and he has feelings for you, it'll make him relook at the situation. Many Indian men think British women are okay with short-term relationships. He needs to know that you are not a pushover who he can hook and dump. If he is not willing to change his stance, you are setting yourself up for hurt.
@chick - She is not saying he is Muslim. If he is Indian he could be Hindu, Catholic or any other religion. Indian Muslims do not speak in Arabic to each other. They would speak in Hindi or Urdu, or any of India's dozens of other languages. You say you dated someone for more than a year and you have no clue what language they speak?
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female
reader, chick989 +, writes (23 December 2009):
from my own experience of dating british and foreign muslim guys it is only for the short term.
i went through a phase for 3 yrs of liking guys with a different culture, ethnicity and accents - i found it a thrill and liked the attention. one day i fell in love with a bristish muslim, i didn't really fancy him but he treated me well and my family loved him.
we were together in all for a yr and a half, i was 16, he was 20. it could never work due to his religion - in the end his parents would want him to marry an indian muslim girl (there is the option that you could convert to muslim).
we didn't break up because of the religion - he cheated on me. we had a good time while it lasted, however there were a few things that bothered me, e.g when he spoke arabic to his friends who could speak perfect english and also the fact thati would never be able to meet his family.
i don't mean to be rude but religion does make it all complicated, however, you could end up being happy together and if you get to the stage where you have been together years and want to marry, well if he loves you enough it will all work out. i say enjoy being together and try not to plan out the future too much - concentrate on now because while your worrying what could happen you're
losing out on the time you could be having fun.
i am now with an english man and thats just as complicated as my last relationship because he's 50 and can't meet my parents. enjoy time with him, noone knows what's round the corner in any relationship
have you been with any other muslim guys?
x
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A
female
reader, cottongin  +, writes (23 December 2009):
 My mother is American (white) and my father is Indian. My mother's parents did not approve at all and were racist, and said they did not want their grandchildren to be "black" (well, my brothers and i are actually very very light skinned, we are basically a tanned white person).
My father's parents never objected, they were just very peaceful people not looking to cause troubles in anyone's lives. My mother's parents eventually accepted my father, and they get along perfect now.
I say just do what you have to do if you love this guy. His parents love him, and Indians can be a bit dramatic, but they won't necessarily do like they do in all the movies and disown him. He may eventually feel comfortable enough to tell them, and they with due time, hopefully will accept it.
If you two love each other, I think it's fine to keep it a bit of a secret, as long as that secret doesn't get too out of hand.
Good luck
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