A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dearcupid, ive just stopped seeing a guy that i never should have seen in the first place. I was very lonely and his company made me feel good. The relationship started off great but it ended. I kno i am better off witout him. He had a lot of baggage and complications. The thing is i now find myself alone again and im absolutely devastated that i just cant seem to make it work wit anybody. I am 31 and i dont really have any friends as they are all settled wit kids by noe. The thing is, i have to see the guy on a regular basis due to the place that i work. I work ina bar that he spends a lot of time in. When he is in there he makes very loud comments on purpose so that i will hear. Comments about girls he likes or girls he would like to have one night stands wit, i really dont understand why he dors this to hurt me. He always does it within earshot of me. Last nyt he made a comment to me through txt about how he wonders if a certain girl has a bit of "carpet" down there coz he loves when they do. I was absolutely disgusted. His words cut me like a knife. I do not treat him the same way and im really not sure why he wont offer me the same respect. The thing is now i dunno how i shud act wen he does make these snide remarks? Should i ignore them? Shud i get mad? Shud i ask him to stop out of respect to me? Its not the fact that hes even wit any girls. Its just that i dont want to kno bout it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2014): Sounds like you need to get out more and mix with nicer people. Having worked in a pub I know the types that hang around the bar, the cretinous lecherous ones, the hangers on, the toothless desperados... forget em all and go meet people outside of a sleazy, boozy environment. Indulge in your hobbies, join groups. Connect with healthy non-boozers. I know it might be hard when it seems like half the world drinks for recreation, but there are people who have social lives which don't revolve around getting plastered, you just have to make more effort to find them.Oh and ignore this idiot. If he REALLY is getting to you though, at a choice moment when nobody else is in ear shot, just you and him and he starts with his manipulative crap, you could just throw back "You should have seen the size of the schlong I had my hands on the other night, PHEW" Wink then walk off to polish some glasses. That should shut him up.
A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (12 April 2014):
 Unfortunately this is exactly what he wanted to happen. He wants to make out now your no longer in his life, hes living it large and no longer cares. These snide remarks are just him trying to get to you and hes trying to make you think that his life has suddenly gotten so much better without you. He wants you to react. He wants you to say something, because then it will give him the satisfaction that he wants, he knows you do still care about him and hes trying his hardest to hurt you. Why do people do these things you ask? Because some people are disrespectful and immature, unfortunately there is nothing you can do about that. Should you react to this guys comments? No you shouldn't, because then that will show him that hes gotten to you, that would make him win, that would show that you still care and that is what he wants. Whats the best course of action for this immature sack of crap? Too ignore him, completely ignore him, don't speak to him, don't pay any attention to him and his snide remarks, that is number one thing to do which will annoy him. I know these comments may hurt you, but eventually if you start pretending you don't care, you will actually start not caring. I had a boyfriend once who would do the same, we had to hang around eachother as we had the same friends, and just days after we broke up he was going on about this "new girl" and funnily enough, I found out later it was all made up as a desperate attempt to get to me. Good Luck x
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A
female
reader, tibob  +, writes (12 April 2014):
 He is trying to provoke you. Make you see that he is happy without you and that your break ug did not affect him. In fact he is the one who is suffering more. He is just putting a show and wants to make you jealous. Ignore him, dont react to his comments. Once he see that it does you nothing, he will stop. If you dont want to know abt it, it means you still feel sthg for him otherwise it would never have bothered yotj
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (12 April 2014):
 Should you get mad?
No, what's the point? He is a loser who likes to make girls feel like crap. My guess is he is upset that YOU ended it with him. He think you believe he is below you somehow. He wants to shot you down a notch or two.
What I would do is ignore him (unless you are serving him) then I would just act like he is ANY other customer.
Don't feel bad if he has a new girl, I'm sure he is capable of GETTING girls, KEEPING them is the problem for him.
And I would BLOCK his number so he can't text you any more either.
The texting is to goad you into feeling bad about yourself. So why not block him?
Stop wasting any more time on this guy and his pathetic games.
Don't date customers at your work place. But DO go out and me new people.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 April 2014):
 Classy guy you'd got yourself. You like' em all polished and refined uh ?
Just ignore him. In fact, I don't even understand why you two are exchanging texts ! you work in a bar, he is a client of the bar. Period. Don't get too personal and chummy. Then was then ( and was a mistake ), now is now.
Be professional and nothing more.
I don't know if he makes his loud comments within your earshot on purpose, maybe he doesn't. Maybe this is just the guy he is. In this case, in a way it's a good thing he acts this way, sooner or later you will have to say " Bleah. Omygod, what was I thinking of !? ".
Or , maybe you are right, he does it on purpose to irk you and annoy you. He has a chip on his shoulder because YOU left him, so this is his way to tell you " nyah nyah nyah I don't care ". Childish. But, if he does it to get at you,... he is being successful- don't give him this satisfaction. Don't show him it hurts you ,don't give him ammo.. If you just ignore him, eventually, in fact soon, he 'll get tired of tryng to elicit from you a reaction, without ever succeeding.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 April 2014):
 I think I would be inclined to ignore them, and delete his texts without reading. If you react he will continue.
You are in an ideal position to cut him down to size with an appropriate comment or two, so try thinking of one.
The fact he drinks where you work is enough to cope with, and lets face it if he was a mature man, a real man,he wouldn't be behaving like a complete moron.
As for your friend and dating situation you need to find new pastimes out of work, plus, even if friends have kids I am sure they would go out even if just to yours for a catch-up meal. And maybe their partners know some nice single men..time to network
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (12 April 2014):
 He is saying it to get a reaction out of you. He wants to make you upset and he's succeeding. I think he still likes you and he did not like the fact that you rejected him, so he is being an A Hole about it. You were right to get rid of him. If he's behaving like an immature, disgusting brat who says demeaning things like this, then you made a good decision to dump him. Completely ignoring him would be the best tactic. Try to tune him out like background noise. When he comes around, find something to do as far away from him as possible. If he's texting you, block his number. If he speaks to you directly, show him your middle finger if you don't feel like speaking. He wants your attention even if you are angry with him. Don't give him that satisfaction.
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