A
female
age
30-35,
*nevans11
writes:Ok here is my Issue. I just got engaged to a guy I have been dating for 7 months. He is a wonderful guy. He takes care of me and puts me first in everything. The problem is every sunday I see my first love. He and i dated for 3 years off and on, and every time i see him all my old feelings come back. I dont feel like im over him at all. Also I honestly feel i loved my high school sweetheart more than i do my fiancee. Do I break it off with my fiance and try to get back with my high school sweetheart?orDo I stay with my fiance and just try to forget the past?
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female
reader, Lifesgood4 +, writes (12 August 2010):
You should stay with your fiancé because if you were off and on with your high school sweetheart then there's something not clicking with you guys. What helped me with a situation similiar to this one was writing out the pros and cons between the two. You'll learn quickly what you'll want more. You may love someone more then the guy your with but that's in the past and there is a reason your with and engaged to the guy you are with.
Good luck to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): Wow, this is pretty intense. At this moment in time I seriously don't believe that you are ready to be engaged to anyone as you clearly don't know how you feel.
It is unfair for you to stay with your fiance if you have feelings for someone else, but then again if you try and patch things up with your high school sweetheart you could risk losing the other man forever, and lets face it - your track record with the high school boy is kinda touchy at best.
Maybe you should think of this way, your high school boy was in your past, and there is a reason why he didn't make it to your future.
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A
female
reader, gizzymylove +, writes (12 August 2010):
 Well my thought is if your high school sweet heart wanted you he would have married you give the one that wants a chance a true go at it you cant walk forward if your looking backward sweety
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A
female
reader, BeSimplyTrue +, writes (12 August 2010):
 Well, you've told us about your fiance (you've known him for 7 months, he takes care of you, he puts you first, he's a wonderful guy), but what about this high school sweetheart?
What traits does he have that make him competition?
What did you like about him back in high school?
What do you like about him now? (How well do you know him now?)
Why did you and the high school sweetheart break up in the first place?
The thing is, reading between the lines on this, it sounds like you are with a very worthy man but you NEVER got over your high school sweetheart. It even sounds like your fiance could be a rebound relationship--like you're rushing headlong into it because you're still heartbroken from your high school relationship. BUT, how much of it this is feeling of nostalgia for high school, for your life back then, for your younger self? And how much of it has to do with the GUY himself?
Remember, you're choosing who to marry based on what you want your future to look like. You want someone whom you can depend on, and whom it feels good for you to be there for. You also want someone who brings out your best self; when you're with them, you are a person that you like.
Think about all these questions and maybe you will find your answers.
Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, Janice25  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 Hi.Well the first love, so I heard from many people, you
never forget.Don't ask me why cause I don´t know the feeling.But u can see it's bloody true.But that does not mean u still love him.U need to see how ur fiancé makes u feel.I u will be happy with him.
I think u just need to go places where ur first love is not.Time takes care of the rest.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (12 August 2010):
 Seven months of dating is not long enough to spend with a person to become engaged, nothing replaces time spent getting to know another person and building intimacy. You haven't been through the four seasons even once with this guy so you don't really truly know him yet.
To break up with him on the other hand because your ex high school sweetheart still gives you butterflies is kind of over the top also.
What I do think this means is that you are not ready to be so committed to a man you have only known 7 months and you might want to tell him you aren't ready to be engaged or to get married just yet.
As far as the ex goes, you don't indicate that your feelings are returned. Generally, I don't think it is a good idea to get back with an ex as the relationship didn't work out for a reason. Every one is different though, so I don't think any of us can tell you how that would work out for the two of you.
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