A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been interested in my current boyfriend for a long while. Things have occurred so we couldn't have courted earlier, but now I am having doubts and confusion about whether things are moving too quickly between us. We have been dating for a month now, and have shared the bed almost straight away. We have been cuddling and kissing a lot too but I think that the bed sharing part has given him mixed messages as lately he keeps asking for sex, but I am not quite ready. I have however given in to caressing and gentle playing recently, but we have agreed no penetration until I actually am ready... I believe we are still in the 'getting to know each other' stage but we have advanced too early in some aspects. I think I gave in to the slightly naughty stuff because I was worried he would dump me for another girl, which would be sad for me as I am keen on him, but clearly not as much as he is on me! I enjoyed playing, but still really nervous, and he is bound to want it more...Do I let him go because I am not ready for sex or make him wait and see how genuine he is? Should we even be together? Does my not-wanting-sex with him show a lack of interest toward him? I am really puzzled, especially with the knowledge that I am stupid for sending out mixed messages. This is my first proper relationship and I don't want it to 'scar' me.Please help, thank youuu in advance!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): Good answers from the female readers above. I am a male, and I waited until I got married to my wife of twenty some years. If you want to wait, then either you are worth waiting for or you're not. (I would hope you do think you're worth waiting for.) (... not that waiting is always an easy thing to do!)
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 Just tell him you are not ready for sex yet and would prefer to wait. You will soon know how committed he is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): Stop worrying and do what you actually want to do. If you want to play, play. If you want sex, have sex. But please please please do not do anything out of fear. Sex is not a way to keep a guy who does not want to stay. Sex is either a hollow act of physical gratification or a way for two people who really like each other to connect intimately. I chose intimate connection, and that means I do it when I want to... when I feel right about it. If he cares for you and respects you he will understand. BUT also remember that boys have desires. Be genuine... that's all you can do, and don't be afraid...and make sure you have protection.
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A
female
reader, JennyBuckwell +, writes (12 August 2010):
 You have the right to take as much time you need/want before you are intimate with someone and if this guy cannot accept that then he is not the guy you should be with. As for sharing the bed with him etc he probably is expecting it to progress further soon so you should maybe have a chat with him, let him know u like him (to boost his confidance and let him know your not just messing about) yet tell him how you feel about how ur getting a bit nervous. Honesty is always the best policy. And if he cant accept it then tell him to p**s off! :)
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