A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A guy friend of mine who I considered my best mate has suddenly broken off our friendship via email.He emailed me an angry email saying I made up lies about a girl he knows and now he wants me out of his life as if I don't exist and he doesn't want to see me again etc or hear my explanations. The reality was are all at college and I didn't realise he was so friendly with this girl as he's become quite secretive over who he hangs out with this past 2 months. I thought I was making comments about this girl who he didn't barely know. It turns out he's become friendly with her, calling her up and socialising with her. He never told me this otherwise I would have never bitched about her.The history between me and my best mate is that he chased me all the time in the beginning when we first knew each other 6 months ago, but I wasn't sure I fancied him so I turned him down. Then when I did like him about 3 months later after we established a lot more friendship based on hanging out together etc, and I made a move on him, he turned me down and he went off me and said I was calling him too much, but we were still friends, I accepted he didn't fancy me and I got asked out by other guys and I was cool about it all, but obviously his friendship was the most important thing to me.About this time he started being secretive and hanging out with this girl. I saw them flirting together when I know she has a long term boyfriend I just got jealous and made bitchy comments about her. But my comments were just my opinions and not facts. At the time my best mate said nothing. Obviously this upset him and he's decided to finish the friendship with me without hearing my side of the story. Also this guy has bitched about loads of people at college and I haven't gone nuts at him because I reckon everyone is entitled to their own opinions.When I saw him and this girl flirting over a month(I was over him at this point, as he had turned me down a month or two before this time and other guys had asked me out) I asked what was going on and he said nothing, it wasn't serious and he flirts with everyone (sort of true). He also knew about her long term boyfriend, but he said it didn't matter to him that she had a boyfriend and that if she took his flirting seriously, she wouldn't get anywhere with him (that's what he was telling me anyhow, the reality could be different).So I don't know whether he's protective of his friends which I know he is with all his friends, or whether there's more to this story than meets the eye, or is it me being paranoid because I can't believe someone would finish a very good deep friendship just because I bitched about someone he's known for all of 5 minutes? The other thing is that since we are at college we have a lot of mutual friends and so far since his email I haven't seen him as I want to avoid him since I'm still in shock, and we are all at home studying for exams. However, at some point we will meet up and I don't know if I can handle being in the same room as him as I'm devastated as I thought I'd be friends for life with him, and we've gone through a lot together and I hate being false like small talk in a group. We're graduating soon anyhow, so in a couple of months I might never see him again in my life anyway.When I spoke to another guy friend I have for advice, he said when guys say no, that's it, once they make their mind up about something, it's over and they never look back. They don't think about it ever again and nothing will change their mind. I have a feeling my friend is like that, although I know mutual friends can change his mind if I ask them, but I don't want to involve mutual friends. Also he said don't contact me and I'm respecting his wishes.So, what do I do when I meet up with him with mutual friends - so far I've avoided being in the same room which I would prefer as he hurt me so much. Do you think I'm blind and that the reality is he's going out with this girl? If so, why didn't he just tell me? Do I get even on this girl who decided to manipulate my friend into finishing the friendship or just let karma do it's work? I know my ex-best mate is easily influenced especially by girls.I've never had a good friend dump me like this before. In a relationship boyfriend-girlfriend you expect it at some point, but you never expedt to be dumped by friends and especially so harshly.What does everyone think? Is it embarrassing to crawl back and ask him to re-think? Was I wrong to bitch about his friends? Was he seeing this girl? Should I fight for this friendship? I just put in so much effort I can't believe he can be so flippant to say it's over F-off out of my life. Also when I bitched about this girl and he said notbing he sat on this feeling for months before he suddenly cut off my friendship and in that time I really helped him out problems he was going through with his family etc and I helped get him a job. I feel so used. If he was upset at the time I made the comments, why didn't he say at the time instead of sitting on these feelings?My feelings on this guy change all the time: one minute I think he believes what he choses to believe and there's not a lot I can do about it, then I think we had an amazing friendship that seems a waste to throw it away, this guy is very kind and sensitive indeed and there must be more to the story than I know. Maybe he's dating this girl and if he is, I think it will be a flash in the pan and I can wait things out. Also since this break-up is recent, maybe I should let things cool down a bit.What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): darling... let him cool off and give him what he wants... you indeed said nasty comments about a girl he liked ...that is upsetting to come people...
you had your romantic chance with him and you gave it up...sometimes the timing just inst right...and I understand that but it sounds like you are jealous that you didn't get him and now you're judging every girl that comes his way...if you truly like him you will just want him to be happy...even if his happiness isn't with you. I know it sucks... as to do guys really mean its over when they say its over? it depends on the guy...some people say things in the heat of passion then they feel bad about it later when they cool down, because that's not what they wanted....like I said in the beginning...give it time...only time will tell.
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