A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I are starting to plan our wedding. I've never been to one before and it seems like there's so much to think about. I'd much rather elope, but his family would be devastated if we did. I just want to be married to him without going through so much wedding fuss.I'm not used to being the centre of attention, and frankly I don't like to be. My mum doesn't think marriage is necessary and thinks weddings are completely pointless. I can't imagine her in the same place as all my partner's family, they're complete opposites. I'm guessing there's about a 40% chance my mum would come to my wedding and if she did, it'd be a huge headache for me. I suppose I'd have to invite my dad too, but I've only met him a few times and if, by some horrible coincidence, both he and my mum came, the day would be about the worst in my life.Also, I grew up very poor. I looked up the average cost of a wedding the other day and it's over 3 times what I'm used to my family living on in a year. That is ridiculous! I'm getting so anxious right now just thinking about it. I couldn't reconcile myself to spending even $2000 on a single day and my partner thinks it would be hard to get away with spending under $7000. I don't know how I can stop stressing about this. Any ideas on making a wedding extremely cheap? We're already planning on having it outdoors. I feel like we have to do it for his parents' sake, so how can I make myself less anxious about the money? I only really want my brother and a few close friends there, so it'll be hugely dominated by his family and I'd feel lost in the crowd. What can I do? I'd much rather have my brother, his parents, brothers and sisters and about 10 friends... something intimate and easy. But I think he has to invite his extended family. What should I do, should I talk to my partner about it? I usually like to make everyone else happy instead of myself, but this time I really can't imagine myself as the centre of a big wedding, it's just not me. Do a lot of people do their wedding for other people's sake?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bunnyblueeyes  +, writes (6 August 2011):
 This is YOUR day. If you want it small and intimate then speak to your fiance, explain you only want 50 to 60 people there.
This is the one day when its okay to be centre of attention! You'll love it.
And it doesn't need to be expensive! Forego a sit down meal in favour of a bbq, your having it outside anyway and it will be lovely!
How about supplying blankets and picnic baskets in lew of tables (if you having it in the summer) fill the baskets with cold picky bits and drink.
What it comes down to is it is your day, and one you will look back on for the rest of your life. Do it for you and your fiance, your way!
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