A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My question is about dissapearing men. In my experience they dissapear without absolutely no logic in it.There are moments in my life when i stop liking a guywho i am seeing. I tell him that, despite the fact that it's very much not my favorite thing to do. I do it because i need to end things fast, and i don't want him to wonder for much longer why i am acting distant and cold, and move on.Men in my life just dissapear. Some after certain time of dating, some in a beginning,without any explanation they just stop calling, and don't answer any of my calls. I am trying to find some logic in this behavor. I kind of understand when they dissapear after we were intimate, and then when novelty of relationship fades away, they live. I understand in a beginning, when we had couple of dates, and they see that there is no attraction.I still wish they could at least say something. It will hurt, but at least i would have some closure. After multiple times it happened, i don't even call them anymore to find out hat happened.But when they dissapear just in a middle of development of relationship, when i could clearly see that there is chemistry between us.The last episod was: he called me every day for a month, we went recently on a couple of dates, and had a great time. We joked and laughed, he never touched, was very respectfull.When i got home, there was 3 text messages on my phone from him, saying what a great time he had.It's been a week since. He dissapeared. I don't understand it. Why? I am not going to call him, it's pointless from my experience. It's just i get so upset every time it happens. Hope dies last, i never get discouraged and keep on dating. I want men opinion on this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010): Thanks again for replying, Oldersister. Common denominator, that's one way to put it.lol. Of course it doesn't make me feel better that u attract addicts, why would anyone be happy about it.Yes, u assumed correctly, i don't sleep w them right away, and i don't chase them around. As i said i don't even call anymore to find out if he is o.k.I don't attract any off personalities either. They all really seemingly decent guy w/jobs and no addictions. I was told by my girlfriend that what i am doing wrong is that i pay a lot of attention to how a guy looks. Guys that i date ussually are good looking. Not extremely, like movie stars, but above average. They need to be fit, i don't like bold men, or bad teeth.lol, or short.Lately, as i am getting older, but look younger than my age, there is a tendency toward younger guys. It's not that i like younger guy better, it's just happens that the younger guys the ones that initiate.I was thinking at one point that may be because i withdraw sex for quite a bit, they have no patience, and leave.About exclusivity...I do sometimes date several men a the same time but not for a long periods of time. I deside which one i like and start seeing only him. Yes, of-course if i do that i want that guy to do the same. But few of them left after we had intimacy, like after 2-3 months without saying anything. How can u possibly predict the future and identify men like that??
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010): Thank you guys for answering. The last thing i want to do though is to blame myself that i make wrong choices. When i first meet a guy, how can i possibly know what kind of man he is? This is why we are talking to get to know each other.
Oldersister, that was a fare suggestion that he is not that much attracted to me, as he initially thought.
I didn't tell the wholle story though. We met through work briefly, then i was away for 2 weeks, that was part of that month, then for 2 weeks we were just talking,trying to meet once but i couldn't get out. Then last week we met He texted me few times just as we said good nite, saying what a wonderfull time he had.
But may be you right, may be he has someone. Will see what happens.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 June 2010):
You need to look very carefully at the type of man you're choosing. When the same thing happens to you over and over again, it means there's something you're not learning. Maybe you're choosing unstable guys who just want sex and nothing else, so when you don't give it, they run. Or maybe they are just very unstable men. Look carefully at the type of man you're choosing.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (23 June 2010):
 As difficult as it is for me to admit this; Men ghave VERY fragile egos. We do not take rejection or critic very well. The ONLY thing we know how to do is stand and fight OR run like heck. None of us are very good at discussing issues or changing our ways but we are good at fleeing the situation. Not that that's an excuse but it is one posssible reason for your "dissapearing men" question. sorry but we men aren't socially developed like women. You girls grow up talking things out. We grow up(pardon the pun) fighting or running. As we used to say "ats-why-hard".
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