A
male
age
30-35,
*hatOtherGuy
writes:Yeah, so I like this girl and she claims she likes me but we were gonna try the whole just friends thing for some unknown reason. We've been friends for a while now, we see each other once every blue moon. She said I was her best friend. We're really just text buddies imo.Every time I ask her to do something she is busy or she's gonna hang out with her friends (never invited me, either, lol).She barely ever text me first.She NEVER asks me to do anything.It has been annoying me for a while now, she says all this shit about how she loves me but never shows it. I'm not confident enough to just take her word for it and I was unhappy.I asked her like a week before hand if she wanted to hang out on Friday. She said sure. On Thursday night I asked her what time and she said it was up to me, so I assumed she was still up for it. The next day she changes her mind out of no where right when I was getting my hopes up. I asked her what she was gonna do instead and she said she was going over another dudes house. I'm going out of town Monday so this was probably our last chance.We hang out so rarely that she even said she wouldn't have noticed that I was in a different state if I hadn't told her I was leaving. After she said that I was like "Hey...let's not be friends." She said she though I was being to hasty, but I said what's the point if we're both unhappy and nothing's gonna change? She didn't have an answer.I somewhat regret it, but I think I made the right decision. I find myself having mixed feelings when I talked to her or see her, I'm happy to talk to her, but I get a sense of dread at the same time because I know we're gonna fight again sometime.
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male
reader, ThatOtherGuy +, writes (15 June 2009):
ThatOtherGuy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks you guys
A
female
reader, mitta  +, writes (14 June 2009):
She is clearly making no effort to hang out with you or maintain any kind of relationship so I think you're wasting your time here.
Its not even a relationship, yet she makes so little effort with your friendship that you can never hope to take it any further. She blew you off to go to some other guys house.. she never asks you to spend time... Relationships (friendships inclued) take time and effort, both of which she clearly isnt bothered about.
Stop being friends with this girl. Shes too much effort on your part with very little return. There are plenty of girls out there who would love to spend time with you and would make the effort. Plus you wouldnt be in limbo you wonering if they like you in a romantic way or not.
You did the right thing.
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (14 June 2009):
 Do you regonize this description:
Some guys are the eternal backup. The guy she feels she should have as a bf and perhaps eventual husband but never does because the grass is always greener on the other side.
She will never get serious about him, except when some other girl moves in, because he is the safe guy. Not the hot guy.
She probably likes you as a friend, but to be blunt, you don't set her panties on fire like the guys she is hanging out with.
The poor sap hangs on hoping that one day she might see the light, staying true to her while she does her thing.
Sounds familiar? I might be wrong, but the way she behaves leaves me personally in little doubt. Sorry mate, you attract her only as the safe option. She will never actually go for you. She might panic a bit if she thinks her backup is getting away, but the moment things settle down again her heart will wander.
You can either stay with her and hope the crumbs you might get between boyfriends is enough or just accept that she doesn't want you in the same way you want her.
So yes, I think you might the right decision. Now follow up on it and it. You might hope that she will change her mind, she won't, but if she does, SHE needs to make the next move. If you keep crawling back to her, she will keep using you like this. The emotional safety guy.
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