A
female
age
30-35,
*stier
writes:i dont know what to do with my boyfriend. he has no direction in his life, and he just wants to do things "his way". i tried telling him to go to collage with me to make our future easier, but he says hes not ment for collage.i even asked him if he would do it for me,and he said "i wouldnt even do it for myself". what should i do or tell him to help him get on the right path? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (14 June 2009):
 Move on. He will drag you down and is not worth the time and effort which you could use to better your own life. I do admire your willingness to have a better life through education, you are clearly a self motivated person who sees better things for yourself. As you do well in life he will try to bring you back to his level.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (14 June 2009):
 The only thing you cab do is encourage him at this point
(but since he will remain a slug why you would spend the energy is beyond me)
All the other posters are essentially right. The only thing you didn't throw in there was if he smokes a lot of weed. From your'e description, he sounds like he is putting his ambition in a pipe.
Ok so here we are a couple of years down the road, as you have stuck with him while he sits on the couch and invites his friends over while you roll your eyes and wishes he would get a job. And you are sick of supporting both of you....
Ok that isnt a dream...its a fucking nightmare.
Please. Please PLEASE realize you are way too young and have so many things to see in your life. A minute more spent thinking about this guy is a minute of your life that YOU CANT GET BACK!
Go out and concentrate on YOURSELF! You are in College and you see a result ahead of your hard work in obtaining a degree. Take care of yourself and date someone who is responsible enough not to ask you if you want fries with your Big Mac and your relationship. There are guys out there that actually have ambition, I promise!
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A
female
reader, 78ta09 +, writes (14 June 2009):
 Hate to tell you this. But if he's lazy now.. He's always going to be that way [damn i need to start taking my own advice] My pain in the a** bf has been that way since high school but for some reason i decided i wanted to be with him and now im stuck and have been for 2 years.. Unemployed Non-Job Seekers are losers.. Ill even help ya out if you do dump him. Which is what you need to do asap.. you want completely different things in life and you deserve better than him, hun. That is my opinion.. Take it or leave it.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (14 June 2009):
 It's hard to say exactly how extreme the situation is having heard only your version of it. It seems a lot like you want him to be doing things your way. At the end of the day it's his life, and if he has no desire to go to college why should he do something that will make him unhappy, because of your own plans?College is not the only solution. I think you should sit down and discuss your future with him. Do you guys have the same goals for the future? Instead of telling him things maybe you should try asking him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): Apart from making suggestions, I don't think there is much else you can do. You can't force him to do something he isn't comfortable with.
You say he has no direction in his life. Are you saying that he does nothing at all with himself, but just sits around all day? Or does he do things, but isn't particularly ambitious?
If he just simply doesn't want to move all day, then that is different. But otherwise, he could just be happy the way he is. Not everybody wants to achieve great things or become better at whatever they are doing. Some people are quite content where they are.
If this is really important to you though, then you could try explaining again to him how much it would mean to you if he made more of an effort. But if he still is happy doing things his way, then I suppose you will have to decide whether you can accept what he wants to do, or whether it bothers you to the extent that you don't think it will work out between you. How much does this bother you about him?
Good luck. x
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