A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dont know what to do... my girlfriend is always lashing out at me for no reason, and im beginning to get sick of it. For example:She keeps in constant contact with all of her ex's. While this makes me uncomfortable I dont make mention of it, I accept it that she wants to be friends and dont allow it to get in the way of our relationship.I added one of my exs back after a while of not talking, in an effort to see how her life has been since the breakup. We would talk about general stuff, the weather, day to day stuff, nothing serious, and she got mad at me.We just got into a fight, she wouldnt talk to me, or even look at me, she said she wanted some space to think, so I give it to her, I let her be and think and do whatever, next thing I know she is on the phone with her ex joking around, having a great old time, of course this insulted me, so I said 'you wont even talk to me, but you are on the phone with your ex having a grand old time' and went outside for a smoke to calm down, now she is even more mad than ever. I never spoke to my ex's when we were in a fight, because I knew it would create issues, but its ok for her? She has lots of friends and family to confide in, unlike me. Did I do something wrong, or is this a one-way relationship?I sometimes think of leaving her, but I cant make it financially on my own, we have too many bills together that I just cant pay on my own salary. What do I do?I love her very much, I really do want to be with her, but it seems that I get in trouble for having an opinion, but she gets to express hers without any concern for how it will make me feel.
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female
reader, kahlan  +, writes (11 August 2009):
 Hello, You have to know that she isn't being fair.From everything you've said this relationship is definatly one sided.Things cant go on the way they have been.She is knocking your confidence and believe me because ive been there, it doesnt take much before you wont have any confidence at all.
You say you love her.Are you sure you aren't just afraid of being on your own.Its not true that anyone is better than being on your own.It wont be easy being on your own to start with.You would need to try to meet folk and make some friends so you wont feel so alone,and so you have people to talk to.
Im not talking about finding another girlfriend-at least not right away.You need time to realise that you can cope on your own.
Money problems are not a good reason to stay in an unhappy relationship.Please talk to somewhere like the citizens advice to see if they can help you work something out with your debt.Is all the debt in your name? If not, see if you can split some of it up.If you lived on your own,hopefullly your bills would be a bit cheaper.
If you dont want to just walk away without trying again,tell her you need to talk.You need to tell her that your unhappy with things the way things are just now and that if things dont change, although you love her,you cant and wont stay in a relationship where everything is so one sided.Ask her how she would like it if you kept in touch with all your exes.From what i understand she would hate it.And if she would hate it then why should you put up with it?Relationships are about compromise and it looks like you are the only one trying,while she is giving nothing back.
If she wont compromise,you must be ready to walk away before she destroys your confidence completley.
Ultimatly its up to you.If you decide to have the TALK with her,see the C.A.B and the housing beforehand so you have an idea of what you can do if things come to the worst.
I REALLY hope things go well for you.
Kahlan
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