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age
41-50,
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writes: Hey all, i have been married for just over a year now and my husband married me a few monthes after his mum died and his dad also died about two years before his mum.I have been a bit unsure about whether or not he married me for love or because he was feeling he had no one else (we are both 36), he has a daughter from a previous relationship but only sees her every few months as he works in Iraq in security.Also i went on the internet yesterday and typed in his email address, what came up was some sights he had been on and one was called freind finder. This sight seemed to be about looking for sexual partners, i again typed in his email address on here and there was a profile with his name saying he was looking for sexual partners. This profile stated that he was 35 and so he has been looking a year into our marriage.What do you people think, is he cheating and is our marriage not worth saving???? Thanks x
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell his explanation to his daughter when she found out that he married me was that he was lonely because his mum and dad had died. She is ten years old and i assumed that he was trying to give an explanation to her that she would be okay with...but now im beginning to wonder if thats the truth. Ps thanks for all your opinions x
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): We can't tell you 'why' he married you. But his actions are saying here, that he's trying to cheat on you, so if I were you, I'd be more concerned about his online habits rather than worrying if he married you out of love or loneliness. If he's in another country working, loneliness is no excuse to be looking for sex on a friendfinder site. To be straight forward with you...you are involved with a man who is plainly not committed, to his marriage.
So, I am sensing here that, now that you have found out about his friendfinder profile, you could be denying the impact of his attempts to cheat on you. When men do this to nice, good women, they tend to rationalize the partner's cheating behaviors with other 'excuses'. Don't do that.
In effect, when a man attempts to cheat...a woman's self-esteem takes a real whack. So you need to be strong, face this and never, ever let anybody determine how you feel about yourself. No one should have that kind of power over you. You can attempt to set boundries by speaking to him time about this problem. Sometimes when people disrespect us, we take the risk of setting hard and tough boundries, rather than continually permitting ourselves to be hurt and devastated by a loved one's actions/behaviours. But it's my opinion, that he needs to learn to grow up and stop using his 'online dating' antics as a catalyst to keep massaging his ego or easing his 'loneliness'. I am sure you are lonely too, but are you looking for sex online? No you aren't. If it were me, I wouldn't even talk, I'd just walk but this is your marriage and you need to talk to him, in a straightforward manner. All in all, you need to certainly be strong and start questioning his character, he is not displaying the actions of a loyal devoted husband. Take care, dear and be strong.
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (19 October 2009):
 Do you see him while he is in Iraq? Or do you only see him every few months as well. I'm sure he married you for more reasons than just loneliness, so I wouldn't be overly concerned about that. The one thing I would be concerned however is that he is trying to find partners online. If he doesn't see you as much because he is off to work in another country, that would explain why he is trying to find someone else to fill that gap. He can't see you, so he finds other people to keep him occupied.
Either way, it's wrong, what he's doing. You need to talk to him about it and get to the bottom of the issues. Cheating can be very hurtful, and he needs to know the behavior can't be tolerated no matter what the circumstance. Again, you can only get answers by asking him in person. I wish you the best of luck, and don't let someone treat you badly just out of the sake of loneliness. There are plenty of people out there who feel that way and don't find relief in other people.
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male
reader, called Steve  +, writes (19 October 2009):
 On the face of it, it seems he may be being unfaithful. However, he may just be lonely or indeed depressed and looking for someone to talk to as he is confused as to what it may be he wants.
I'm not making excuses for him, but by talking to him you may get the answer you are looking for. Of course - you could instead get the answer you dread...
Hopefully it is the former of the two, good luck!
Steve
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 October 2009):
You need to sit him down and talk to him about this. He could be severely depressed. Until you've spoken to him and he's come clean, you won't know what's happening. So you need to confront him and tell him what you've found. good luck.
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