A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I hate who i am becoming and i can't stop myself.I used to be the classy girl with a lot of respect for herself, but in a month and a little it has changed. I lost my virginity three years ago now and in the space of three years i had only slept with two men whom both i was in a serious relationship (at different times obviously). But in the space of a month and a half i have had sex with over three men and i don't know why i am doing this to myself and the worse thing is i am not using protection and just getting caught up in the moment and I end up crying myself to sleep after i have had sex with them. I more than likely have HIV or some sexually transmitted disease and it makes me sick to know that i am not stopping myself from doin these things although i want to. Im heading in the wrong direction and dont know what to do to stop it i have morals and i want to stick to my morals.
View related questions:
hiv , lost my virginity Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (21 October 2009):
 In my opinion, most of the responses posted thus far miss the point. The reason "why" you are inclined to succumb to sexual temptation is totally natural and simple: hormones.
At your age, and hopefully for the next 30 or 40 years hence (maybe far beyond), you will continue to desire sex. Why do I use the word "hopefully?" Because your sexuality and it's enjoyment is a treasured gift of life, as well as physically and mentally healthy for you. You simply need to couple this desire with love.
In other words, your hormones are telling you to do the thing that results in procreation (making babies), which is the drive instilled in all life. It's called propagation of the species. Fish make more fish - the birds and the bees do it - and plants spew seeds. You are innately driven by nature to do the same.
Additionally, nature or God, depending upon your beliefs, designed sexuality to be very enjoyable. If it was not fun and very enjoyable, humans, plants and animals would not bother and all species would cease to continue on earth.
Lesson ends with one simple piece of advice. Do "it" with a man who, over a reasonable period of time, demonstrates true, potentially lasting love and compassion for you as an individual, as well as a desire to be part of your life for the long term. Forget about screwing around with the "hot" guys, but instead try to develop a real relationship with a good guy. Otherwise, get on the "pill" or use birth control.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): Well, forget about the whys and morals for a second.
The big thing I see is that lately you have been purposely pushing yourself beyond the boundaries of your safety comfort zone and even your own self-respect. And you've done it repeatedly. I guess the first time didn't scare/hurt you enough.
You won't stop doing this until you deal with what is making you want to do this to yourself. We could sit here and verbally berate you for the sexual stuff all day long (is that what you want?) but even if you stopped that stuff you might just start abusing yourself in some other area of your life instead.
Deal with the real problem. Whatever it is, I don't think it's just the sex.
...............................
A
male
reader, tux +, writes (19 October 2009):
 The first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem.. You have reached the first step. Secondly, you need to figure out why you are doing this... that is the only way that you are going to be able to figure out a way to stop it. If you can stop the why, then you can stop your behaviour to the why.
a few questions to ask yourself that may find the why..
1) What has happened to you recently that was a bad moment in life? Death of a loved one? Change of financial situation?
2) Feeling lonely?
3) Bored?
As far as having AIDS or another STD.. I wouldn't go as far as saying you have one.. As much as groups want to scare people into thinking having unprotected sex leads to having a STD, it simply isn't true.. YES you have a higher risk, but it does not mean you will definitely catch one. You can have unprotected sex with hundred men and not catch a std, or you can have unprotected sex with one man and catch a std. But I would go get tested to be sure if you put yourself at risk.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 October 2009):
First of all, you MUST be tested for STD's. That's the only way to be sure that you're not infected. Next, make sure you always have condoms in your bag when you go out so you don't get caught out like this again. Never put yourself in this position again.
Ask yourself why it is you've suddenly become like this. Are you rebelling against something? Has someone hurt you and now you're trying to get back? Are you happy with your life? Or is this the case of a good girl who is going bad? Look at all these things and you'll find your answer. When you've found what it is that's getting to you, you'll be able to fix it. Don't sit there crying and blaming yourself. Go to the doctor and get yourself tested, always be safe and take a good look at your life to find out why you're suddenly acting this way. Good luck.
...............................
|
