A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My muother has just passed away and i feel i cant cope any more i just dont know what to do my life has been ripped apart i was so so close to her i dont know what to do any advise please! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): As you say you have just lost your mother so this is still very raw for you, it really is a time thing, you don't think it now, but given time it won't be the first thing you think of when you wake up, or the last thing you think of before you go to sleep. Try to keep as busy as you can, get up every day and do what you do and it will pass.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 There are also grief support groups around, and don't forget your Minister and your church congregation, no matter which faith you believe in...
There are lots of reassuring articles about coping with a loss on the net as well. Even though death is a part of everyone's life, it's reassuring to read how others manage when dealing with the loss of a loved one. Here's one...
http://www.theravive.com/services/grief-and-loss.htm
I've lost two members of my family in the last three years and the thing that everyone repeats is very true - time does heal - and I can now remember them with a warmth and a smile instead of that awful hollow ache whenever they cross my mind - but it did take time, Love. I think you have gotten some wonderful advice from the Aunties. Take good care of yourself, eat well, and get out in the fresh air. Try not to shut yourself off from others right now either. The internet is a good source for advice but you need a pair of arms to give you a hug. x x x
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A
female
reader, sweetheartx +, writes (30 October 2010):
i'm sorry to hear that it must be very hard for you . Youll get over it someday ,when my grandpa passed away the first couple of weeks ,if i thought about him i would cry. but now i say grandpa over and over again i don't cry . Hopefully she enjoyed her life and you should respect that. Just remember every living thing passes away . Maybe you should do the thing where you go to someone and they tell you about you loved one in heaven . There you can still feel close to her...
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A
male
reader, tenjeeuk +, writes (30 October 2010):
I have witnessed a number of instances in my close family where a parent has seen their child die, ranging from young couples seeing their baby die to an elderly woman seeing her vibrant adult family man son die. Without wishing ti diminish your grief (it is a good thingh to grive for a loved one), I think you should bring some sense of persepctive into your situation.
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (29 October 2010):
 First, remember that your mother is still with you. She is with you now, and always will be. Look at your hands, your eyes, everything about you - find your mother there. She is in you.
Picture her face. Hear her voice. She has not gone. She is there with you.
Now, every day, do some very serious physical exercise. Eg, in your lunch break at work, if you have one, cycle hard for 15 mins to the pool, swim hard for 20 mins, cycle hard back to work again. Exhaust yourself physically. When you are cycling or swimming, let the tears come. Let the despair and grief sweep over you. Go with it, like a wave. Let that pit of despair swirl around you, and you fight through it. Keep going. Keep swimming. Keep going even if it hurts. Live for your mother. Live for her. Her life is in you, now.
Do this for min. 6 months - probably 9-12 months - and you will find such strength within yourself that the tidal wave of grief will be something you can ride. I promise you.
And you will start to find a way to rearrange yourself, your thinking, so that your mum is now still with you. You can still talk to her. You can still see her. Get a photo of her. Talk to it. Feel her with you. And in time you will realise that she has just gone, like, to Australia or somewhere, and hasn't got her mobile on her, or hasn't got reception. You know she's there. You know she's ok. You know she loves you. You just can't quite pick up the phone and talk to her, that's all.
You will simply learn to live in this new world.
And trust me with my grief-beating programme - it works. I developed it myself. If I hadn't had that, I don't know what would have happened to me. But that saved me. I saved myself, and you can, too.
Just remember: she is still with you. Now.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Sorry to hear that mate, my mum just got told she probably has 2 months to live by the doctor so I can totally see myself in your position in the near future. I've certainly had a good cry about it I'm not ashamed to admit... but whatever happens I'm going to view it in the most positive way I can- even if I have to force myself to...
Everybody dies, its unavoidable, so instead of mourning her death, try to celebrate her life and the positive way she influenced you and those around her. Stay busy, surround yourself with family and good friends, talk to a doctor if you feel you need to... just don't hole yourself up and try to get through this alone.
Chin up aye, she'd want you to be strong..
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A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (29 October 2010):
 I think you need to go to your GP asap. Please do this first - he may be able to give you some anti depressants to get you through the hardest patch, then send you to counselling. Do you have close freinds and family who you can go and stay with or who can come and stay with you for a while? also, try to rememeber - your Mum is still with you and loves you - you just cannot see her. She wants you to be ok, and knows you will one day soon. I send you lots of love , strength and support. The sun WILL shine in your life again. I promise you. Natmarie. xx
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female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (29 October 2010):
 Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. Expected or unexpected, the loss of a loved on can be crippling. Surround yourself with family and friends, and know that what you are feeling is completely normal. Time will eventually ease the pain, but sadly, it won't happen overnight. Please go to your doctor, tell him what you are feeling, and ask if he can give you advice, suggest a grief counselor, or grief classes that will help you cope. Don't go through this alone, ok? Please seek out help. There are so many places that you can turn to, others that are going through what you are going through and will be able to help you.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 October 2010):
 I think you need to find a grief councelor. What you're feeling is normal. Loss, especially of someone so very close, is very difficult. It will take time and effort. Seek the support of friends and family. In times of need they are your greatest resource.
My sincere condolences for your loss.
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