A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm 18 and I still have this huge crush on my old teacher. He's married, I'm in a serious relationship (I love my bf to death and would never ever think of cheating). But I just can't get over him because of various festivals and school functions, we had a good friendship for teacher/student. I don't even want to have sexual relations with him, but I would like to hang out with him because I am in college now and he could still help me with my career and he is very interesting, sweet, and not bad on the eyes haha. So any advice to still hang out with him from time to time and discuss music WITHOUT freaking him out or burning bridges?
View related questions:
crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood point, Tisha-1. Yeah I don't want to crush on him anymore haha cuz I'm crazy in love with my boyfriend and I respect that he is married and what not. But like I said it would be cool to still discuss things, see what I'm gettin at?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 January 2012):
 I guess you have to decide if feeding the crush--which is what you are proposing--is more important than feeding the new relationship you are in. I think crushes can be the result of projecting feelings and wishes onto the object of that crush; in other words, your teacher may be a great guy but you are looking at him through the lens of your hopes.
It may not be in your best interest to hang out with him, if it leads to you continuing to crush and building fantasies that will never come true. He's married and has a career. Both of those need to be respected by you.
If you are a realist and as you get to know him, you'll realize he's just a regular guy who happened to be your teacher. This might be a good thing. Those rose-colored glasses you are wearing will come off and you'll realize the crush is more about you and your dreams than about him as a real human being.
My guess is that you are the former and it will get weird if you try to 'hang out' with him. People pick up on the body language and unspoken cues and it will probably come through to him that you have a crush on him. He's a teacher and has probably had many girls crush on him in the past and knows the signs and warning signals. Remember, he's married too. He's not going to want to risk his career and his marriage to feed the fantasies of a young former student, if you look at it from his point of view.
In fact, take a look at the situation from his point of view. What do we have here? We have a girl who has some sort of problem 'getting over' a common and natural crush--I expect he will try to keep you at arm's length. There's no upside to getting to know you better, it may just feed your crush, do you see?
When you reach the stage of being able to see him as just another person who mentored you, maybe you'll be ready for an adult friendship. As it stands, it sounds like a schoolgirl crush that hasn't fully resolved. Maybe work on figuring out why he in particular became the object of your crush? Spend some time thinking about the situation from the perspective of, oh, say, his wife? Or his kids? Or his boss? That might help you get some clarity.
Sorry I can't help you figure out a way to hang out with him without freaking him out. The whole 'I have a crush I can't get over' is the problem to focus on, I think. What's missing from your life? How can you find an appropriate focus to address that emotional need? Do that hard work and you'll be miles better off than hanging out with a crush, who needs his job and doesn't need unrequited love.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah that makes sense.
Also to potential readers and responders:
** I'm out of high school and in college and legally an adult (18).
...............................
A
female
reader, asyoulikeit  +, writes (10 January 2012):
i feel like if you hang out with him though
your gonna end up getting even stronger feelings for him
i know he might seem like a cool guy
but your in a relationship he's married
i think its better to avoid anything even if its innocent because
it could end up emotionally complicating things
hes a teacher he might feel it inappropriate to hang out with you alone
or he might even get a hint you like him depending on your behaviour
...............................
|
