A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 29 and I met a guy who is 42 yrs old Brit. I met him at a gig and to network I gave him my business card. Later he emailed me saying how great I did and he is in debt to me. I wrote back and said if he is ever in the area I work in we can go get lunch. He agreed and was immediately available. After that lunch it felt so magical. He asked me if I was around that weekend and I told him that I might be around on Sunday. I had recently gotton out of a bad relationship. I wasn't sure if I want to see someone immediately but I liked this guy. So I chose to meet with him and it was great and pure. We just walked around randomly in a park and it was awesome. After that meeting he was head over heels for me until he had to go out of town for 2 weeks. They were painful 2 weeks we kept teasing each other by sending texts that were little bit sexual in nature. When came back it felt like my smiles came back. But I noticed little by little we were getting more physical with each other. So I told him we should slow down a little bit. I don't want to sleep with him just yet. Since that day it hasn't been the same. I noticed he pulled away we don't see each other that often but he hasn't completely let me go either. The other night. He said we are 2 different people. I am religious he is an aetheist. Everything he owns is gray and I love colors. He also said that he doesn't want to be an AH because he understands my values. He said we should be friends first but than everytime we see each other we fool around and we leave it at a step before sex. I am confused as to if this is right for me. He sounds more negative about it than positive. I rather it be a natural thing than forced. Should I just walk away from this or hang in there??I asked him about his previous relationship which was 2 yrs ago with a 24 yr old. That makes me wonder since he is successful does he go after younger women. Is he only after sex?
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male
reader, Stephen Stewart Nixon  +, writes (27 June 2009):
 You might be dealing with a clash of values here, no one is right and no one is wrong, you just have different expectations. If he is 42 from the UK chances are he is more relaxed about what it means to have sex. He comes from a sexually liberal society and you have christian values.Your sexual teasing sent him a message that you wanted sex then you pulled back so he is confused. If it's not what you want probably best you leave it. Hope this helps
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009): Generally that is always a part of it. When an older man goes for someone a couple decades younger, sexual attraction is bound to be a factor.You have to understand you have led him on a bit. The sexual texts, the fooling around right to the edge and backing away. not that there is anything inherently wrong with a little teasing, I suppose, but it can be frustrating at times, especially if there is no light at the end of the tunnel."I rather it be a natural thing than forced."That is a fantasy at this point. Whether you are forcing him to wait, or you are hurried along faster than is your ideal, either way you two clearly operate on different timetables. Someone is going to have to compromise here, hence, not "natural". It sounds as if he might be doing that, but it also sounds like he might be prepping for moving on. Hard to tell..In any case, it is very possible he only wants sex, but its also possible he wants sex, yes, but in addition to everything else a relationship with a good woman gives a man. Use your judgment here.
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