A
female
age
41-50,
*ngela80
writes:OK, It is my first time to have dates with foreigner, and i am a little confused. 1,He said he never married and then i decide to have dates with him. But later he told me he has girl friend in his country and she lives his house with her two children. These two children are not his. 2,He told his boss about what happen between him and me.3, He went to Thailand with me for one week holiday.4, He come to my country for business.5, Now he back to his country for two weeks. Last Thursday I told him i feel unhappy while thinking of that he has one girl friend in his country, and i wish there are more serious between us, He said he couldn't say nothing at that time. As he need to attend one meeting, so we stopped that conversation.6, He will be 51 years old, i am 31 years old this year.7,He lives with his girl friends for 9 years already.My question is: 1, In Europe, If one man didn't get married and he can ask the other girl out for dating even he has one GF? It is very normal?2, In europe, How does it mean one man to live one woman and her children for 9 years together but not marry? 3, In Europe, How to define different relationship stage? How to know this relationship is serious or not?4, I like this guy, i wish we can go ahead as one serious relationship.We come from different country, different culture between us, I am onfused and i don't know how to handle it, Please kindly help me and thank you very much in advance. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Angela80 +, writes (14 July 2011):
Angela80 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis guy is really bad, finally I left him. How can be like this? He said: I have some problems with mh girl friend, but I love her two children, then I will never leave their mother. Such kne rubbish man. And he think he has right to go on seeing the other woman because he I'd not married. Fuck!!!! He comes from Austria. Fuck man.
A
female
reader, Angela80 +, writes (17 March 2011):
Angela80 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everybody's help very much.
I know Europe culture more now.
Your answers strengthen my resolve to face this situation and sort it out asap.
I will send him one email to show my opinion. If he just use me for sex, I will stop it immediately.
Thanks everbody again.
Wish you all the best and have one nice day.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 1. No, it is not normal. This man is a cheater, and he without doubt is lying to his girlfriend in his home country, telling her he is faithful to her. He is not a good man, and this is not acceptable. If the girlfriend in his homeland found out about you she would most likely end the relationship.
2. Many live together in Europe without marrying. Many also have children outside of marriage, or get a divorce. The children then live with either of the parents, and the parents move on to find new boyfriends and girlfriends. This is normal.
3. To define the relationship stages you talk and communicate. If you want to take the relationship further, as in moving in together, or get engaged, you can talk about it and see what the other thinks. Some men like to propose and catch the woman in surprise. But even then, the topic of marriage has usually been discussed already, so that the man who proposes will know if the woman wants marriage or not in her life. After a certain time you will also naturally feel the relationship becoming more serious by your partners actions and words.
4. You should not like this guy. He does not take you seriously, and he is not interested in a serious relationship with you. I am afraid you have been used by him for sex. If he was serious about you he wouldn't have stayed with the girlfriend he has in his home country. It is also highly likely that he will cheat on you, or lie to you, just as he has to this woman in his home country. This is not a good man.
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A
female
reader, SillyB  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 Handle this exactly how you would handle it if you were dating a 51 year old Chinese man with a girlfriend at home and two kids. Men are no different in Europe/America than in China and the social expectations they face to get married, not cheat and so on.
You know very little about his life at home. The 'girlfriend' could actually be a wife. And the kids, could be his. You just don't know. Even if they are not his and she is just a girlfriend, he is still cheating on her with you. He's been with her for 9 years.
He is void of moral character and you are setting yourself up to be hurt. What he is doing is not normal and seen to be immoral behavior in North America/Europe. The fact she is living with him and they've been together for 9 years means he is in a serious relationship. You need to stay away from him.
You are 31 years old, young and a whole future ahead of you. Don't waste your time on a man like this. He is cheating on his wife/girlfriend with you. Don't you want an honest man that is 100% yours?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): There is no "tradition" for dating in different countries. It is possible that you are being used as a third party in his relationship. The fact that he has been with his girlfriend for 9 years, back in his own country, with children living with him, their relationship must be pretty serious.
If you have already spoken to him about this and he has no response for you, my only advice is to end this relationship. You should not be put in 2nd place to another woman who he is not telling the truth to, either. I'm sure if she knew that the two of you were dating, she would be really unhappy.
Different cultures doesn't give him an excuse for using you for convenience, so to speak. Relationships are usually monogamous all over the world, and different countries/cultures should not be a basis for him to simply take you as a 2nd girlfriend.
All the best. This guy could be taking you for a spin, my only hope is that you will not be taken advantage of... Good luck!
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 Ok, to answer your questions in order:
1. No this is not normal in Europe. He is cheating on his girlfriend with you, he is being unfaithful, having an affair....whatever you want to call it, he is doing something very wrong with you behind his girlfriend's back. He is lying to her and hurting her with his actions - this is wrong in any culture! In Europe it is very UNCOMMON to have 2 girlfriends, it is considered wrong and is frowned upon.
2. In Europe, many couples choose not to get married and instead live together as long term partners (often called co-habitating). Just because they are not married does not mean the relationship is not serious - in some European countries recognize co-habitating couples as having similar legal rights as married couples. Generally in Europe, a relationship will progress in this order:
meet each other - dating - relationship - move in together - marriage - children.
But this does not happen in ALL relationships, many couples decide not to marry but live together as long term partners. This is a serious, committed relationship that shares many of the same values as a marriage. In your case, the man you are having an affair with has a long term partner who he should be committed to, they have been together 9 years which is a very long time and I would presume they are supposed to be very much in love and happy together.
3. How to define if his relationship is serious or not? His relationship is VERY serious. Generally in Europe if the relationship lasts over 18 months/2 years, regardless of whether they are married or not - it is serious. The level of committment is normally measured in years together, and 9 years - VERY SERIOUS. They live together as a family and have been together a long long time.
If you are asking if your relationship with this man is serious or not - the answer is NOT serious at all. He is just using you to fill the gap while he is away from home. He has his loving partner and family back home, and when he is a bit lonely abroad on business then he has you to keep him entertained.
4. To put this simply - there is no future with this man, no opportunity for a serious relationship. He already has a serious relationship and is cheating on his partner by being with you - this is wrong and you should take no part in this immoral activity. You will never be his serious partner, you can only ever be a bit of fun for him.
So save your dignity and end this affair now - it has no future and you will be the one that ends up hurt. He is a very bad person for doing this to you and to his family - he clearly has no morals and does not care who he hurts as long as he is happy. You dont want such a selfish and hurtful person in your life, he will be a negative influence on your life and will bring a lot of unhappiness.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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