A
male
age
30-35,
*rego
writes:Basically, i lost my virginity to a prostitute in Berlin this summer, I dont regret it or have any moral problems with it whatsoever, I dont care that it wasn't with someone 'special' or that she didn't having any 'feelings' for me or any bullsh*t like that. I even went back to her the night after and then went to another prostitute in Amsterdam. But the thing is, she was amazing. She was pretty much the hottest woman iver ever seen irl, she was 28, blonde, about 5'9' and had the most perfect sized breasts. She also had this awesome dragon tattoo on her back and had this really light German accent, which really turned me on for some reason. Anyway, the day after my second time with her, we had to leave to go to Amsterdam and I just had this crippling depression that almost ruined the rest of the holiday for me. It wasn't guilt or shame or anything, it was the fact that I might never see her again, or at the least it would be another year until I could next see her. Obviously I was in Amsterdam, and there were many distractions to take my mind of her and I had an awesome time their. The sex with the prostitute in Amsterdam was even better, but I felt nothing towards her, and don't miss her or think about her at all. But ever since i've got back, I just can't stop thinking about her and its just adding to the general depression I already had. Like I know she has no feelings whatsoever towards me, its just business for her. But one of the things i enjoyed most was just the inane conversation I had with her, like about what cigarettes I was smoking and where she went on holiday, and also the walking to the brothel with her in the street with all the people watching and some men whistling at her. (Sounds weird I know).Like I know this is just some massive rant but I had to get it off my chest. I don't even know what the question is i'm asking really, I just don't know what to do, I don't care about emotional fulfillment or about having sex with someone who has feelings towards me or anything, but I just love this woman i can't have and who doesn't have any feelings towards me, and i'm just not gonna get a girlfriend or anything, and i kist don't know what to do, because i just feel so depressed right now. And finally. I know this is kind of pathetic really, with so many people in so much a worse postion than me right now, I really have no right to feel this way, but I just cant help it. And I'm 18 btw.
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male
reader, prego +, writes (30 September 2011):
prego is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the replys, i already feel a bit better just getting if of my chest tbh.batterytea, 'You and I already have our hearts broken, even though they were never really fulfilled in the first place' describes pretty much exactly how i feel@ worldlywise and serenity. thats the thing, i know she doesnt have any feelings or emotions towards me, but its like i can kid myself that i dont care about that, but im starting to think that maybe i actually do.i dont have any feelings towards any of the other prostitutes ive had sex with, with them its just in, money, sex, out. but with her it seemed different and i just cant stop thinking about her. it just makes me feel sad that shes like in a different country, shes 10 years older than me and im probably never gonna see here again, and even if i do, the same things gonna happen when i leave. theres just nothing thats gonna stop me from feeling depressed though.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2011): As you say its a crush and like it or not 'losing it' to a prostitute - or anyone, IS a big deal in your life.Its a milestone.
My advice is to stop paying for sex and develop healthy friendships with girls you know, you may not think you want to date - but you may be surprised.
To the prostitute you are her income, theres no feelings or emotions, they do a job,get paid - then its 'next'.
Oh and everyone problems are important - we all need to vent sometimes, get advice, if it affects our lives its good to share and get other angles.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (30 September 2011):
You are suffering from a crush.
You lost your virginity to her so she obviously has some kind of meaning to you, even though you say it wasn't someone 'special.
Sex brings with it a new depth of emotions and feelings that you have to understand and I guess you are at the beginning of this journey.
The feelings you have with the prostitute in Germany will pass. But whilst I don't think anything wrong with what you did, you do need to appreciate that if you ever want a 'real' relationship with a 'real' woman then you are making it very hard for yourself if you continue keep seeing escorts.
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A
female
reader, Batterytea  +, writes (30 September 2011):
 I understand what you're going through. Seriously, I do.
I mean, I've never been with a prostitute...or even met one, but what you describe you're feeling sounds like me; I am totally madly crushing on my TEACHER. Yeah, a far stretch from a prostitute, I know. But think.
He only spends time with me 'cause he gets paid for it, and he doesn't see me as anyone special 'cause he's got hundreds of students (and in your case, clients), I wallow in the special moments I have with him like once when I stayed after school by myself and we talked about whether people in Bible times shaved (like you and the cigarettes conversation!). The point is, I can't be with him EVER, and he'll probably forget me as soon as I leave for university (like you right now).
And I won't try to make it sound pretty, because life is hard and the truth is painful. You and I already have our hearts broken, even though they were never really fulfilled in the first place. We WANT our crushes to remember us and think of us as that 'one that stood out from the rest' but that is an impossible dream.
You might even have it better than me 'cause with me, I actually have to watch students who are smarter than me get praised and treated specially on a daily basis, while I sit in the backdrop and watch and look like furniture that he never cares about. It's happening to you too, except you're lucky you don't see it.
And I know all THAT^ was depressing and not really very helpful, but all I can say (and I say this to comfort myself too) is this is life. I oftentimes comfort myself with thoughts that if my teacher is happy, it doesn't really matter if I'm part of his life or not; I just want him to be happy.
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