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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I am 18 years old an looking for a good dating site. No matter what I do how good I dress, no one wants me, and i'm sick of it. I want a good dating site. I enjoy doing many things like star gazing, exercising, hiking, biking, just about anything. I'm in pretty good shape seeing how I work out 3 times a week so my looks aren't what's holding me back. My intellect and success aren't holding me back seeing how i'm shooting for my masters degree in computer science. Guess girls just want a guy like on jersey shore (which is unrealistic). I'm just concerned that these sites will be full of losers who can't escape the high school mentality, who just want to sit around and smoke weed and party all day. I tried that myyearbook site and I had to quit because 95% of the people on that site were either fakes or losers who really didn't want to meet up, but just get popular on an online site which is pathetic in my opinion. Could you please point me to a good dating site, which has people my age besides that crap site myyearbook. Please don't tell me i'm to young, cause trust me I can't meet anyone any other way cause people just seem to ignore me, I guess i'm quite boring judging by my interests I listed. I'm not that guy who will get drunk, smoke weed,( i am every girls dream guy basically) Thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2012): No one wants them either, that is why they are on dating sites. They think they will find something to good to be true. They dont, instead they get used. If I was you, I would practice some social skills in the real world.
A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle  +, writes (16 January 2012):
 I totally agree with Cerberus. 100%. He makes great points. You should never lay all of the blame on others when seeking to figure out why you are alone. Chances are the reason is you.
I've been through this before, myself. I never seemed to get dates and the ones I did get never went anywhere. I wondered what is wrong with me, why do guys only like conventionally attractive women who like to play beer pong and slut around, why does my life suck? My negative attitude was horribly unattractive. All I did was compare myself to other women and try to mask my insecurity by claiming I was truly so much better, instead of just being nice and true to myself. I was being so negative. It wasn't until the day that I shook that outlook and attempted to just be an open minded, confident, and positive person that I actually got dates and guys very interested in me.
Now, I got myself back into dating and meeting people online, but only once I got my attitude adjusted and was ready for a fresh start. From there, I started using Okcupid, which is totally free. 95% of the messages and contact you exchange will not turn into anything. Most of your dates will not turn into anything. You have to be ready for more rejection. However, online dating really got me to a point where I was okay with rejection and more comfortable with taking risks. Hopefully, it works for you in that way too. Always remember to be safe and verify people are who they claim to be.
You have to be positive and open. If you start dating online, don't neglect the real world. Still make attempts to meet girls in class, at church, at a coffee shop, at the library, wherever. Smile and project yourself in a happy light.
Online dating did work for me, though. I met my current boyfriend there on Okcupid. We have been together for seven months. So, it could work for you! Just really take Cerberus' advice first!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2012): OP quick question, if you don't think girls are interested in you because of the things you do what makes you think that will be different on a dating site when all they have to do is click on another link or close the tab and pass you by?
They're not the issue. The issue is your lack of a social life and your negative attitude. All the things you list as interests are either solo things or things you may do with a friend or two. You're doing a comp sci degree too which must also take up a lot of your time. When are you out there meeting girls?
You don't drink, you don't go to parties by the sounds of things, and you're actually in one of the easiest environments to meet women which is college. College is the best place to find women ad parties isn't the only way. Surely you like music and other social entertainment, surely there are girls at the gigs you go to. Just start getting to know them.
If you ask me you sound like a cynical loner, that thinks it will be easier to get a girl online, that can be true, but most good quality women want a guy who's kind of fun and has a bit of life to share with them. You have plenty of interesting hobbies and you're getting educated but the things people consider fun, you cast down. You sound very patronizing about those things too and forgive me for saying but slightly bitter too. By your hobbies and college major you should be intelligent enough to know that being that negative and judgemental of people including yourself is not going to help you find a woman, unless you're looking for an equally bitter woman who thinks life should be handed to her on plate and that it's not fair when it isn't.
OP do you understand the the concept of social dynamics? Of cause and effect? Of course you do. You worked out to because you wanted to be fit and toned, so you worked out and got fit and toned. You had a need and a desire and you took the necessary steps to complete that task. Getting a woman is the same thing. You want a woman so you have to go out there and get one. They won't come to you, you have to be a part of the hunt. You may think that's unfair, or too hard but then just stay at home on your computer dreaming then OP, because that's what the rest of us are doing. We're making it easy on the girls because we're pursuing them so why then would they want to search you out, when they have guys like me approaching them, asking them out, and getting with them?
I'm not better than you, I'm not more handsome than you but I'm a hell of a lot more open minded, confident, I don't let my cynicism or distaste for what people do stop me from joining in or getting to know them. Most of all OP, I try, that's the biggest secret of all. I'm out there trying, and you're at home asking strangers on the Internet which is the best site to find women. Well plenty of fish is good, okcupid is okay too but facebook is far better than all of those because it's as close to the real person as you're going to get.
Nothing beats real life though OP, dating sites take away the fun and mystery of getting to know someone. A girl you may have been able to woo face to face may not give you a chance based on one single thing she sees on your profile, you then miss out on a girl who may have been great. What happens if your perfect lady lives in another country or long distance. With your kind of judgemental attitude you too will discount perfectly good women based on perhaps one thing on their profile. Or based on them not being that pretty when in real life that girl may have won you over with her smile or her charm.
If you can't get a girl in real life then it will be equally difficult to do it online if not worse because everyone has things they do and don't like in another person that will make them just pass out your profile. But in person you may have had such a good connection that the specific thing I mentioned above becomes irrelevant.
My advice, stop being so cynical, get out there ans start talking to women. Every woman. Old, young, at the bus stop, in the canteen. I had a friend with a similar issue and was crap with women, I just told him to talk to women, if he saw and old woman carrying shopping to help her carry them and just talk to her. If he was the only person at the cashier to just start a conversation with her, everywhere he went any time he was near a woman he'd start a conversation with her and pretty soon those conversations where turning into him getting phone numbers and dates. Why don't you do the same?
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 I've never found dating sites much fun to be honest! and neither have my friends.
But that's just my experience.
Im sure your a lovely guy, you sound as if you have alot going for you... but dont be fixated on finding a partner and then you will find naturally she will come to you.
Its just about letting it happen naturally rather than "hunt" down a "good" dating site, because all dating sites have their crazy people and nice people, ha!
I personally dont think there is "good" dating sites, just recommended ones which are full of regular people. Good bad and the crazy lol
I am 101% sure the right girl for you would want you. You sound down to earth and very loving, so i would expect the best for you.
Goodluck anyway!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 You are wrong, most girls would not want to be with someone who sits around all day spending there money smoking weed and having no goals in life, so maybe that is where your first step going wrong is that you judge all girls before even getting to know someone, you have this opinion that you are not going to get a girl because you are not some weed smoking couch potato. So if you are feeling like this then you are never going to find that woman. There is one sight that is meant to be good it is called pof.com (plenty of fish) you may have saw it advertised on t.v it is free so yeah give it a shot. But don't be to quick to judge people. Good luck.
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