A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have recently started doing online dating. I was just quite tired of trying to meet nice guys in clubs because it doesn't seem to be happening for me. A lot of guys were just plain sleazy and boring on the website, but I have started talking to this guy about a week ago. We connected straight away, he is so nice and funny and easy to talk to. It's so natural talking to him unlike the rest of the men on the site. We became friends on facebook, so I know for a fact he is not a catfish and in fact very real. The only thing is that he goes away for four months at a time then comes back for eight weeks. He is a pilot. We actually were only chatting a few days before he had to leave. He had done everything in his power to keep in contact with me everyday since he is gone, be it by email or facebook. I only know him a week now.Another thing is that he is unbelievably honest with me to the point in telling me that he has slept with most of the 'crew'. He told me all these fantasies he played out with the air hostesses, and he also stated that some of them even move into his hotel room when they land. He claims that he has a 'reputation' and all the other pilots hate him.I have seen his facebook pictures and he has the cutest smile, and doesn't look in the slightest like the casanova he says he is. He said to me that his best trait is that he is extremely loyal, and he could never fall for a crew member. He would love to fall for a land lover. He told me stuff about his past, about how his ex-girlfriend ruined him when she dumped him. He was an alcoholic for years but thankfully came through it.I have such a strong connection with this man to the point that we agreed to meet up when he comes back. It is very rare that I find myself being totally myself and open to someone. Am I being ridiculous? What's your honest opinions guys?
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (1 May 2013):
 Yes you are being ridiculous. I agree with the others that this guy is a complete fake. There are so many red flags, and you're writing them down but not actually seeing/ recognising them.
You say you feel a strong connection with him and are totally open with him, which makes you vulnerable because I predict his next moves will be to start talking sex with you and then ask to exchange sexy photos. I think he's a highly dubious character and I think you need to give yourself a good shake.
The worst thing would be for you to develop a pseudo relationship with this guy for the next 4 months (while he's off in fantasy land), develop strong feelings, possibly compromise yourself by getting more open (sexual) ... and then get hurt or disappointed when reality hits and he either disappears or turns out to be nothing like his online persona.
There are some absolute nuts online and you've found one.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everybody who took the time and effort to answer my question. Whether he is a pilot or not, I don't know. But he sure was convincing. Also we happen to have mutaul friends on facebook, and there are hundreds of photos of him in college doing training, nights out, festivals, birthday parties so he is real and he is only 26. Just to confirm to those of you who thought he might be a catfish. I will take your comments on board, and thanks again! I won't be made a fool of by online daters anymore.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): Im in the same boat: Im chatting to David Beecham online! We met via a dating site but he assured me its really him so it must be true! Saw his pics on face book and everything!! DO you think he will leave Victoria for me???? Get real OP. This guys making a fool of you!!!! Why would this guy need a dating site for crying out loud if it was genuine. A former ALCOHLIC getting/keeping a job as a pilot? Pull the other one its got bells on!BTW Do you always go for guys who tell you they are serial womanisers?
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A
female
reader, maisy1 +, writes (1 May 2013):
Can you fall in love with someone you have know in the real world for a week?! No!! can you possibly love someone you've never actually met? No way!!! Love (as apposed to a crush, infactuation, or physical attraction) is about loving someone's personality, their morals, the way they treat you and others and their outlook on life. How could you possibly know any of that in a week?! Please bear in mind that chatting online or via face book isn't "real": the guy may be polite and witty in a text or email but abrupt and grumpy face to face. He may charm the birds from the trees with you but treat your friends or family with utter contempt. In the world of online dating and facebook we can say whatever we want, making out we are more successful, popular and so on than we would ever appear in a real life, face to face situation. He could have a body odour issue or bad breath for all you know or be a decade older than he claims! Its only after knowing someone in the real world, in real time, having spent many months of face to face companionship that we can make an adult, sensible decision as to whether we love them. Ive done internet dating and spent six months chatting to a guy and thought I "knew" him really well. Then we met!!! He was a lot shorter, chubbier and older looking than his pictures suggested. The pictures must have been a decade old and he told me he was "tall" but wasn't. He must have been older than he claimed and actually snapped his fingers at bar staff in a bar which was so, so ignorant and I was so deflated. Another guy told me he had a particular job and lived in a particular area in an apartment. When I met him he admitted he was training to do that job and lived in a dangerous council flat next to drug dealers. Another guy told me he had developed feelings for me, really liked me and so on but I wasn't keen to meet him for a few weeks. When I told him I wasn't prepared to meet after a couple of weeks he called me a "whore" and a "C***" and never contacted me again!"I have seen his facebook pictures and he has the cutest smile, and doesn't look in the slightest like the casanova he says he is." Well either his pictures are deceptive or his claims of having bedded all his crew were a load of lies. A liar or a Casanova? You don't want either messing your life up! You cannot tell if a person is honest, genuine or a cassanova by their facebook pictures. A cute smile can get him into a lot of girls hearts....just ask his cabin crew!!!! "He told me stuff about his past, about how his ex-girlfriend ruined him when she dumped him." Really? So his relationship problems had nothing to do with him being an alcoholic womaniser then?!?!"He said to me that his best trait is that he is extremely loyal, and he could never fall for a crew member" Well aint that sweet OP? He wouldn't fall for a crew member but he will sleep his way through an airline full of them for a cheap kick and to boast about it to you? "He told me all these fantasies he played out with the air hostesses, and he also stated that some of them even move into his hotel room when they land" Is that really what you want to hear from a potential boyfriend?! If a man id had know a week started telling me what he had done sexually and with whom I would run a mile! "He had done everything in his power to keep in contact with me everyday since he is gone, be it by email or facebook. I only know him a week now." OP Don't you see how crazy that sounds? What, he has put himself through the huge commitment of staying in touch FOR A WEEK!!!! Sending an email isn't like actually putting himself out now is it!"He was an alcoholic for years but thankfully came through it" Simple as that?!?! Alcoholics never fully recover. They may not drink anymore but they will always have an underlying issue. "We became friends on facebook, so I know for a fact he is not a catfish and in fact very real." Anyone can "create" lives for themselves on social network sites. Internet dating scammers create FB accounts with entire families and friends on their that simple don't exist. "he is so nice and funny and easy to talk to." That's not what his male co-workers think is it? I'm sure that the shed load of air hostesses he used for sex all thought he was nice, funny and easy to talk to BEFORE they woke up the following morning and realized he was going to hope from their bed to the next. Easy to talk to? That's called telling you what you want to hear....just as he did with all the other girls he has slept with!Either this guy is dissillusional, lying about being a real pilot (those uniforms are easy to get) and is just trying to use this "cover" as a glamorous from of escapism from his real life and to get you into bed for an ego boost, OR he is a real pilot who can charm niave, easily impressed young women with his uniform, status, glamorous job and big pay packet.EVEN if he is telling you the truth, why on earth would you want a boyfriend who is only available for 8weeks in every six months period and before even meeting you confesses to bedding every female crew member who comes his way? What, you think this hot blooded stallion will abstain from sex with anyone for four months while he is away from you?? What happens when he is away on business and a dozen stunningly attractive air hostesses have taken residence in his room? Oh of course his loyalty!!!! Do you really think he is only talking to you on the dating site?? Oh sorry he told you it was exclusive? Well must be then if that's what he says as nobody would ever lie would they???? Get real OP! He could have ten different FB accounts all with a different "story". Right now he could be saying that he is a firefighter or a spy to another gulliable, naïve young woman who believes everything they are told. Do you not see the BIG red flag....him saying he spends several months away???? OP that's the classic excuse of men who deceive with tall stories of being astronauts, racing drivers, fire fighters or pilots. That way it stops anything serious developing. They can simply say "duty calls..." and disappear to stop you realizing its all a deception. BESIDES!!! If this guy is such a cute, handsome Pilot who women adore, bed him by the dozen and he makes every bloke jealous....what the fuck is he doing on an internet dating sight?????????????????????????? What, that huge pay packet, glamorous life, handsome looks and world travel are putting off any other woman from dating him????? COME ON OP!!!!!!!!This guy probably lives with his parents, lives in a fantasy world, and is hoping this charade will make him feel less pathetic and help him get someone into bed for once. The only flying this guys done is in a home computer flight simulator.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): Oh jesus OP, are you serious?
Let's do a break down of this guy shall we from a guys' perspective.
Keep in mind, this is all only a week in. All this mad confession shit is only after only a week.
-He's a man-whore who openly admits he can't keep his dick in his pants and uses his crew members for sex. "I could never have a relationship with them". Very nice.
-He's a recovering alcoholic. "Hopefully" and hopefully he doesn't have a relapse.
-He's been "ruined by an ex" so he has trust issues, blames an ex for ruining him, has major baggage and probably massive commitment issues.
-He's only known you a week and already he's boasting about his sexual conquests, already gotten into talking about sexual fantasies. A week?
-Admitted that he's hated by all the other pilots, who the hell admits that their work colleagues hate them? What's his reason? Because he has a reputation for being a total prick.
So this guy is possibly the sleaziest of all the guys you've come across on the site and you don't see if because he's "so easy to talk to, we have a connection, he doesn't look like a Casanova" (hahahaha what? well I guess if he doesn't *look* like one because of his gentle smile, then he can't be) and he's "incredibly honest". No he's not OP, he's boasting.
Haha best of luck with your alcoholic, ruined by an ex man-whore OP, who talks sexy talk within a week.
This connection you feel? That's called charm OP. I guess this connection is more important than all the other major red flags this guy has.
Well you'll see OP. The funniest thing about all this is when he's done with you and things hit the fan, you'll remember all the warning signs of the first week and think wtf was I thinking, this guy was obviously the most messed up dude on that site and I ignore all that for his gentle smile and the connection. haha gas woman. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Ms.B2U  +, writes (1 May 2013):
Take a deep breath. Meet in a safe public place And see if he is real. Honestly, I so envy you kinda cyber-spacey right about now. I cancelled ALL my dating profiles. There was nothing but goones on em all for 3 years. Eight weeks is nothing if you think about it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. That is what they say. Hope it all works out for ya.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 May 2013):
 Okay, let's review.
You've know him online for a week.
He's charming, easy to talk to.
He travels away for 4 months and then is back for 2 months.
He is a pilot.
(Where the heck does he fly? Most of the world is accessible within 24 hours of flight time. That's really weird.)
He's slept with all his female crew and the male pilots hate him.
Um. Really? You think that's all explained because he has confessed this to you in the week that you've been talking?
I have worked with some really creative casanovas. Some were a bit ugly, others were very cute. Looks have nothing to do with their truthfulness.
I would be VERY leery of dating a self-confessed alcoholic pilot who has bedded all his female crew members. The lawsuits alone could keep his bank account empty for years.
Yes, you are being ridiculous.
You probably won't meet nice guys in clubs.
Ask your best girlfriends, their mothers, everyone related to them, to find you some dating candidates.
Club rats and online fraudsters… yikes. You need to expand your dating pools and NOT into the freak shows you've found so far.
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