A
female
age
41-50,
*earning with a newbie
writes:Dear Cupid,I've been dating a man for 2 going on 3 years who has never been in a relationship before me. I have found out (he never tells me) on numerous occasions that he has bought gift cards and small gifts for other women. For example this mothers day (I don't have children with him, but I do have a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship) he told me that he didn't have any money to get me a gift. I was very appreciative of the breakfast and dinner that he cooked me. I didn't have to lift a finger. But just recently I found out that he purchased products from Bath and Body Works for the office staff in our apartment complex "for Mother's Day." He likes to buy gifts for his "friends." Incidentally all of the friends he buys gifts for are female. Is there reason for me to be suspicious? Has anyone else accepted this behavior from their significant other? I don't want to marry him if this could lead to an affair with other women.
View related questions:
affair, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2015): OMG!!! YES!! These guys are players. I've only met one who started playing the game with me and I fell for it thus started forming the relationship. It wasn't long before I found out that he does this with other women. These men want approval, attention and generally want to be known as Mr. Nice Guy while putting out the hook. They're usually insecure, sexually inadequate or both. However, they're very social and have a network of women they keep in contact with flattering them with birthday greetings and gifts. It's just a way the stroke their ego. You say that he told you he didn't have money to buy you a gift but bought stuff for the office staff. This is typical. Something similar happened to me during Xmas. He bought me a cheap gift that looked like a child's toy and said he couldn't afford what he really wanted to buy me. Why? Well, very clear. He had also spent money on his friends........all women. Best advise is to reevaluate your relationship and ask yourself if, in fact, your relationship is too crowded. For me it was. It's not the way a man truly in love behaves. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2015): There is no reason for him to be buying other females gifts or even to get their attention, period. End of story.He is insecure, ego driven, attention and approval seeking from WOMEN.Yes, of course, he is putting out the fishing line to see who he can hook!You are the ONLY ONE he should be buying gifts for UNLESS it's his mother, sister OR a family member. THAT'S IT!!Any man who does this is looking for approval. He wants to be liked. WHY would this matter? Ask yourself this question. WHY????? Then ask him.Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. That it isn't necessary what he is doing. I am afraid there are guys like him who need approval from women. And need to be liked. Obviously he is not very confident in himself. Even if he puts on an act. His need for approval leads into temptation. In fact, I do believe he is seeking out some potential affair partners. It could be calculated or inadvertently but believe me, this is what he is doing.He will deny it all but please, for your own sake, don't buy his words. EYES ALWAYS WIDE OPEN. Or if the behaviour bugs you enough, find yourself a man who pays attention to YOU and ONLY YOU.And come on, please!!! He had NO money to buy YOU a gift for Mother's Day but he bought a bunch of random women gifts for Mother's Day??? I would be PISSED. ESPECIALLY since he lied about having no money to get you a gift! Well, duh! Of course he had no money! He spent it on all those women!!! Yeah, it was nice to cook you meals BUT it does not excuse the fact he bought them gifts and also lied about not having money to buy you one! I would be so offended.What is his problem?A closet Romeo in the making? I would be very weary of this player wanna be!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 June 2015):
 While I much rather have a nice cooked meal for Mother's Day than "bath-products" gift, it's a little weird in my book that he RATHER spend his money on buying another women a present than me. But again it's his money, he can spend them as he pleases.
My guess is he is buying these little favors or gifts not for the OTHER person's pleasure, but for his own. IT makes him feel generous and well-liked.
Does it mean he is looking to have an affair? I don't think so, but you just never know. Why not just ask him? Hey, honey I found this receipt from Body and Bath what did you buy there?
Incidentally HOW much did he spend at Bath & Body works on her? If it's less than $20 I'd say FAIRLY harmless and OVER $50... it's starting to be iffy.
...............................
|
