A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Lately I’ve been thinking about this guy, Dylan. We’d gone out on two dates back in February. It’d ended as quickly as it begun. He’d made it so easy for me to lose interest with all his talk about superheroes and comic books. I didn’t want to date a ten year old. But for some reason, I find myself missing him. Or maybe I just don’t want to be alone. If he were “the one”, I wouldn’t be second guessing everything. I would be one hundred percent sure. When I think about him, there aren’t any butterflies in my stomach. My heart doesn’t race. Only one person can make me feel like that. His name was Peter and I've loved him for the past seven years.(and counting!) But he'd already had a girlfriend when I first met him and he is still with her today. When I think of Peter and imagine him in front of me, I just feel everything. My body reacts to his presence. It believes that he’s actually there. I can’t breathe and I’m speechless. We don't talk anymore because I told him how I'd felt three years ago. He didn't feel the same. I think that if you really love someone, you don’t have doubts about it. As cliché as it sounds, you simply just…know. In my opinion, love is about wanting to jump each other’s bones half of the time. You listen to them talk for hours and you pray that they never stop. You support them in everything they do and encourage them to try new things that might be good for them. You learn from each other. You could never be happy apart from that person. They are your lifeline. You want to be a better version of yourself. You would do anything to put a smile on their face or hear them laugh. And when your eyes meet, you feel like you've been shocked. Every muscle in your body clenches. I know it sounds like I've made up my mind but I need a second opinion. I've loved Peter for years and I'm probably never going to get over him. Every girl has a "Peter" in their life, the one guy they will never stop feeling for. I need to get back out there and maybe Dylan is the one...for now anyway. We have so much in common besides the fact he LOVES comic books and superheroes. I think I could learn to accept it or maybe even like it.
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (25 July 2012):
 It sounds to me like you're preoccupied with wanting a boyfriend and have a major crush on Peter. Unless you want to wait for 8 more years, I would suggest you move on from Peter and try to find someone new. I understand you like him, but you can't keep obsessing over someone you can't have for the rest of your life (well, I guess you could if you want, but what a waste).
On the other hand, why would you consider getting back with Dylan if he isn't your type? That is pretty cruel.
I think you need a clean break from both of these boys, and need to get yourself out and about to see who else may be out there.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (25 July 2012):
 I think infatuation is when you are focused in such a way that ALL you want to do is jump his bones all the time.
But Love to me is when you feel so calm and at peace and forgiving even sometimes. You share some common goals. And have some differences. You can discuss anything together and feel so much better for having done so.
Life is a series of wonderful experiences. And some downsides when you are there for the other person. Yes the loving is so satisfying that you feel as if you are one together. And yet it is also OK to each have separate interests and even some separate friends.
Trust is very high.
There is NO need to ever be jealous of the one you love the most in all the world when that love is reciprocated. How can either party ever be jealous when you know (BOTH of you) that neither would ever cheat and neither will ever want anyone but you.
Peter is not the one as he already has the love of his life beside him.
Dylan is not the one as you already have differences at the start.
There are many other "Peter" gentlemen out there who will make your heart race and have the butterflies all
a-flutter.
You just need to spread your wings a little. Venture out to places and enjoy experiences you have not tried before. Stay in a holiday destination where you are most likely to meet a nice guy.
Take up hobbies that may bring you into contact with nice guys.
Do some volunteers where many of the volunteers are guys in the age group you are interested in.
Get to the gym.
Keep treating you well.
You do not have to settle for Mr second best nor Mr almost OK
Don't be impatient. You can do this.
And make a list of your essentials in a guy. NOT his looks, NOT his net worth.
Instead I am talking about character characteristics.
After all how can you go shopping for a home unless you know what you need in that home?
Well why start thinking about your ideal guy if you have not thought about what you do and do not need.
I will give you some examples that are my picks:
1. He is respectful in the way he commuicates with others.
2. He has a nice set of friends and he is respected by his friends, peers, colleagues and family.
3. Never be in a hurry to get too involved with a guy if he chooses to not introduce you to his family early on.
4. Does he treat his family respectfully and vice a versa. After all it you get together you will spend a lot of time with his family. And your children will have a lot of contact with that family too. And so any qualms or worries? Stop and think is that what you want for your children?
5. Why introduce thinking about children in your head? Because if you do make a life with this guy then he will be expected to have the skills to be responsible and caring and loving and a role model for his and your children. So if he cannot manage his life, cannot manage his finances, is irresponsible then he is not father material.
I have a number of other "yes I needed that" versus "No I could not endure that" criteria. But I think you get the message.
I think Dylan fails at the start line.
Enjoy looking. Your man is out there. You just have not met him yet.
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (25 July 2012):
Well first off wanting to jump each others bones, is purely lust. Peter sounds more like a infatuation. Like you want him now, but you may not if you were with him because you would see his flaws. You dont know them all and they could be something that you cant deal with. Love is deeper than just honeymoon phase of the relationship, which is everything youve mentioned. After awhile love becomes comfortable, you wont always get that insane spark, but you would do for them, love them and melt in their arms, their kisses would feel warm and loving, the trust you have built would leave no doubt and you would feel you are able to get through things with them by your side. You maynot love their flaws, but its what makes them who they are. Love, loyalty, faith and trust. Key things in a relationship. Dont feel pressured to be in a relationship for the sake of having one. It has to be mutual and genuine. No one can tell you if dylans right for you, only you can. Remember love can't conquer all without trust .
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