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Confused love, he's officially with someone else but he cheats on her with me! I want him back!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 June 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 12 June 2008)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

This guy and I dated for quite sometime, on and off.

We would always fight about unreasonable things and we'd pretty much aim for any easy target to argue about, this led to alot of break ups. Despite that, I feel like he is my first love and everytime we would break up, I felt like I always knew we would get back together and we always did. But not this time.

He started seeing somebody else, and during this time. We still saw each other on a regular basis and remained sexual. When they finally made it offical, I was very upset. I knew there were no strings attached prior to us staying sexual. But yesterday, we had sex! And he's dating somebody else. I feel that he will keep on cheating on her with me, but I want him back for good. What should I do?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008):

Think about how the other woman may feel if she found out. It doesn't sound like you were very happy with him, so move on.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thank you! all your answers have been really helpful :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008):

He'll use you for sex as long as you let him, which is not good for you, his current or him. Move on, geographically if you must to break the physical dependency you two have. While it's common and healthy for couples to argue and disagree it seems your relationship was built on a hurt, dissolve, make up, physical gratification cycle. You might be too much alike. A relationship with a different personality type (yes check out your astrological compatabilities, it does work) could prove totaly different and more rewarding in all aspects.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008):

You need to let him go. I know it is totally different when your emotions are involved but take it from someone who watches her best friend do this right now.. it does nothing but cause pain. If he wanted to be with you- then he would be with you. He obviously, for whatever reason, does not want that and all you are doing is giving yourself false hope while he is around and heartbreak when he leaves to go back to see her. The best thing you can do for yourself is stop all contact with him. Explain to him that you are not his sex toy and move on. You deserve better for yourself than to be treated like that!

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A female reader, Tremor Australia +, writes (12 June 2008):

Tremor agony auntIf you're broken up, be broken up. This means no sex, /especially/ since he's with someone else now.

Just because he is your 'first love' doesn't mean he's good for you. Certainly, you'll always hold a soft spot for him, but that doesn't mean you have to act on it.

It seems to me like this lad wants to have his cake and eat it too. What kind of a creep cheats on his girlfriend? Don't be the other woman. Why entertain this loser any longer? You're broken up, so act like it.

I'd advise you to move on. No more sex with a man who's taken, no more pining for your 'first love'. Just because you have feelings for him doesn't mean he's good for you. Drop him completely and find someone who's not a tosser.

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