A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I became friends with a woman through work, so initially we saw each other only in the workplace. After a couple of months, I noticed that she would come up to me on the way out of work and ask if I was working the next day - we worked rotating shifts, and not necessarily the same ones.Then,after a couple of months of working together, she suggested that we meet outside of work for a drink - this then lead to other meetings and day trips to touristy places, the zoo,etc. There always seemed to be a strong yet unspoken attraction on both sides. I never had to take the initiative, she would always suggest we do something, and would text or email virtually every day, even on days when we had already seen each other at work.I've been in situations before where women are capable of being close friends with a man in a way that men can't do with a woman, so I was very wary and never attempted to kiss her, partly because of shyness, and also I didn't want to wreck a great friendship.Then on one of our trips she said something to me in her mother tongue (which I don't speak);it was quite a long sentence, and I asked her what it meant. She said it means "you're lovely", she then repeated this and then said "that's it, I've said it now" and waved her hands as if it was something she'd wanted to get off her chest - I also suspect that she said more in the foreign language than in English.Friends always invited us to social things together even though we weren't officially a couple, and on several occasions she said to people "we aren't a couple, we just act like one" - generally this would be when we were joking at each others expense and people would think we were being serious.I overheard her talking to a friend one day when they thought I couldn't hear them. The friend said "has he made a move yet", and she replied "no, he's dead scared, but he knows" - knows what? I took this to mean that she acknowledged an attraction.Fast forward just a few weeks and I think I'm understanding her more and that we are close enough that I feel confident that her feelings for me are more than friendship - but still neither of us has made a move - when an innocent remark by me about understanding her better the more we talk and the more we see each other, triggers a response about not wanting to be understood by anyone, not wanting people to know how she ticks, and keeping everyone at a distance. This coming from the same woman who only days earlier had described me as the male side of herself - her other half. What the hell happened ?
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male
reader, vba67  +, writes (16 July 2009):
I don't think she could give you anymore signs that she's attracted to you. It sounds as if she's been waiting for you to make a move (some form of aggression). Yeah, the peanut butter is in the trap and the mouse will not bite. If you do not respond soon, she will eventually lose interest in you and move on.
The question you need to ask yourself is; Do you feel the same way about her? If the answer is yes, then you will have to make a move to initiate some activities. She's simply waiting for you to take charge of the relationship.
I think you are also attracted to her, because you remember so many details about your time together with her. One problem, it seems as if you are over analyzing your relationship with her. There needs to be a balance of your mind and heart. Right now, you're thinking too much about everthing (mind) instead of letting things happen with your heart (heart).
Good Luck!
A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (16 July 2009):
 Everything has been going along just fine until that confusing statement, don't read into it as it is probably a throw away line that was not meant to stick. It is a complete contradiction to what you heard her discussing with her friend and inconsistent with everything you have experienced so far. If it continues to bother you then make a move on her a hug, kiss,warm breath on her neck something that will indicate to you that you are reading her correctly, and if you are not she will let you know. By the way, I read the comment as seeing herself as a 'woman of mystery' I kind of like that.
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