A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend now for three years. We have lived together for the last two years. He is a very sweet person and an excellent boyfriend. We get along great and hardly fight. My concern is that the "butterflies" are gone.Also, I go through phases where I do not want to have sex (and then a phase where my sex drive is high)... He has started to talk about marriage, I love this but worry that because of the above issues maybe he isn't "the one". Any advice?
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 I recommend watching this, it explains the chemical / hormonal side of love and why we are designed to stop feeling 'the butterflies' after a couple of years with someone:
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/helen_fisher_tells_us_why_we_love_cheat.html
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 I dont think that no butterflies means he's not the one. "The one" is what you want it to be. Your boyfriend sounds like a very good life partner to me! The sex drive and lack of butterflies can easily be explained by you being too used to each other and you are basically being boring. Well in most cases this is what happens after passing the first stages of butterflies. Relationships have a danger of getting dull! If you think this is what might have happened, fear not, there are solutions.
Be cative together. Do sports together, go on dates. Dress up for each other and be sexy.
It's ok to not want sex all the time. As long as you don't stop completely.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 The butterflies never last forever! That's only in the beginning...
as for the sex drive thing...that's perfectly normal too! We all have our peaks and valleys. It really doesn't have anything to do with love or lack of it.
Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him? Do you miss him when he's not around? When things happen in your life, is he the first one you want to tell? That's what love is about!
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (4 May 2010):
 This is very common with relationships as they progress. Try finding different ways to spice up your love life because routine is a sure fire way to kill those butterflies. Anything from role play to random sex in the house. If that is not an option then try leaving cute notes for each other around the house or take that extra time to hold each other. Sometimes all it takes is one romantic thing to bring that spark back.
I don't think that the butterflies stay in any relationship forever which is why a little bit extra needs to added from time to time. He still may be the one.
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