A
male
age
41-50,
*obbybuilder
writes:My wife is an oral sex freak, by that I mean going down on guys. Before we were engaged she told me she blew about 12-15 guys and wasn't sure of the exact amount because lots of guys she did lots of times.I overlooked this because her reasoning was she really loved doing it, and by satisfying the guy she was saving her virginity for marriage. I still think it was a lot of guys to suck off, but, we grew closer, and eventually got engaged. We are now married for a few years, have 2 kids and things are cool. New marriage growing pains, but I do 'appreciate' all the blow-job experience she had before me if you know what I mean.Problem is, I just found out (not from my wife) that she cheated on me while we were engaged. Surprise, surprise, it was a blowjob. A 'friend' of hers talked her into going out during a time we had a fight. Well, this friend arranged a double date. And after dinner, they all went parking. This friend started going down on her date, and my wife (financee at the time) I guess felt obligated to go down on her date (Or I just think since she loves giving head, it was just an opportunity to suck a 'new/different' penis). This female 'friend' got pregnant a little while later, married the guy and moved far away. I was thinking she was out of our life. I didn't really like her and didn't even know about my wife cheating until very recently, but still didn't like, nor trust this 'friend'.Now, this friend is divorced and moved back to the town where we live. Her and my wife have 'hung out' together a few times now. Since I just found out about my wife's cheating and this 'friends' part in it. I am going to forbid this friendship. I can't trust this female as far as I can throw her (and it's not far, she's very overweight). That's not the issue, the question is, should I tell my wife that I know she cheated on me when we were engaged? And should I be concerned that since she has been hanging with this 'friend' again for a few months that she has done something wrong again? I kind of think that we should clear the air that I know she sucked some guy off while we were engaged, and I have a right to ensure that she hasn't done anything else since we are married, but I don't want to start a big fight just because I don't trust this 'friend' (slut/tramp) that caused her to cheat in the first place and just want to make sure it didn't happen again.Thanks.
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male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (31 January 2008):
I understand how you feell about her friend but the root of the problem is with your wife and i agree that you need to sit down and tell her what you feel and think and the decision you've made as a husband.However,if your wife can't come to level terms with you,your efforts will be wasted.Imagine you successfuly talk to her and let her know how you feel about her friend only to discover she's still meeting her,you are back to square one.
Good Luck.
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (30 January 2008):
 A bad influence can certainly lead her astray.
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A
male
reader, bobbybuilder +, writes (30 January 2008):
bobbybuilder is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice. I think most of you are completely wrong on the friend thing. Thinking more about it you are right not to just blame this slut friend. My wife (fiancee at the time) knew that going on a date while we were engaged was cheating and wrong, never mind sucking off the guy. But this friend is still a bad influence. If a person is an alcoholic, they are responsible for their actions/decisions, but you still don't let them hang out with a drunk. This friendship is over, I'm not going to allow my wife to hang out with her ever again. I'm going to sit down and talk with my wife, let her know about her cheating when we were engaged, and that she can't be friends with this person because I partially blame her for that cheating incident. Even over looking that incident (which I am going to do), I don't trust what this 'friend' may be up to and don't want my wife anywhere near her. I do believe my wife truly loves me and hasn't done anything since we're married (I'll be sure to find out thought). I'm believeing someones comment that we had a fight, it was right before our wedding, and last minute 'am I sure about this thing' or even a 'a'm mad at him and going out' was the story on why she cheated when we were engaged. I fooled around on my wife, just playing the field and seeing what was out there, however, I didn't do that after we were engaged. I considered that the committment point in our relationship. Hopefully, after that incident and we got married she feels the same way.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (29 January 2008):
Allow me to chime in one more time here. ?
This episode apparently occurred three or more years ago, right? Really worth revisiting now?
So . . . now this friend of hers returns, and you think this friend will coerce your wife, and the mother of your children, to suddenly resume sucking off other guys.
Well, if she does, it will not really be because of the friend.
If you think your woman enjoys variety in her oral activities, then consider giving it to her. Ask her to blow you in the shower, the kitchen, in a park, a tent and in the car or on a boat. Give her a "cum cocktail" in a glass.
Try many various positions, seated, standing, up and down - give her a load deep, on the tip of her tongue, under her tongue, the roof of her mouth (this is more difficult but possible). Ask me how . . .
Point being, try to be the variety she enjoys, if that's the case. Be creative, and be glad you have an oral lady. They are a joy, but also take thorough care of her as well.
DoubleM
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): Concentrate on your relationship with your wife - energy spent blaming others will not help. Any 'addiction' is difficult to stop and it is perfectly possible she has not stopped her habit since being married. Confront her and watch carefully for the response. Intense anger or aggression may point to guilt. From a health point of view many women will obviously only be blowing a guy WITHOUT a condom on - so you may wish to consider this when you kiss her next. Other than that you would need more direct evidence before you may know the truth. My view is that if your wife has not stopped this level of activity with other men (which is cheating on you basically) and she simply will not or cannot change...then you have two choices. Put up with it or get out of the relationship.
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A
male
reader, chlez83 +, writes (29 January 2008):
Be a man and face the bull by it's horns.You have every right to confront your wife about her ordeal and if she flips,know that she doesn't regret or respect you.Don't blame the other woman,your wife wasn't minor,whose head was forced towrds a man's penis.The moment they went on the date she knew it wasn't going to be "4 friends" on a date.I know you see your wife's friend as bad influence but do you see your wife's influence on herself? Put your foot down and act.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Trinnity08  +, writes (29 January 2008):
 its ur wife that cheated mate her freind dint force her we all make our own decicsions in lifemaybe you should address this problem with your wife , but stop transfering blame it wont help , xx trinnity
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (29 January 2008):
Some women become "addicted" to the excitement of bringing men to orgasm this way. I think I may have been responsible for inducting a few girls into this elite club, and thank goodness.
For some, it becomes a bit of an ongoing pursuit for variety, for whatever reason. Others are plenty satisfied if she has one man who enjoys and satisfies her enjoyment to her satisfaction.
Your woman really sounds like the latter, if you have no other indications of outside activity. You apparently enjoy her talent and fulfill her desires in this regard today.
So . . . she went elsewhere one time when she was unhappy with you following an argument - perhaps at least temporarily doubting the relationship prior to this marriage.
Remember, many individuals also take one final sexual diversion prior to marriage, aka the bachelor or bachelorette parties that may include one final fling.
Sounds to me like you two otherwise have a good deal of history here, and a family. You would be mucking up your futures and that of the kids to make a big stink about the past now, though it may be wise to monitor activities since the return of the friend. But the friend did not "make" your then fiance do anything.
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A
male
reader, Jugurtha  +, writes (29 January 2008):
Mate, you're misplacing the blame - your wife's fat friend is not at fault here. No one forced your wife to go down on that fellow, she chose to do it herself. And what has your wife's previous sexual experience got to do with you? Provided there were no sexual diseases passed on - absolutely nothing.
I don't think you should 'forbid' your wife anything - you do not control or own her; but you can let her know how hurt you would be by her actions, and request that out of respect for you she not hang out with this friend who you don't like.
YOu should definitely talk with your wife about her cheating on you during your engagement, but work out what outcome you want, and keep that in mind so that the conversation doesn't degenerate into recriminations.
Good luck with it all.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (29 January 2008):
 I think you should tell her what you know. I don't think you should attempt to forbid the friendship, because that would be controlling behavior, but I think you should express your concern in how you feel about your wife associating with this person.
The real issue here is not weather or not you trust the friend, it's weather or not your marriage is strong enough to trust your wife. Her friend might be a slut, but your wife is still capable of making her own decisions. Remember, her friend didn't cause her to cheat the first time. She did that. She chose to go out. She chose to go along for the parking and she chose to cheat. Her friend may have been there, but it sounds like your wife knew what she was doing.
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