A
male
age
41-50,
*am72
writes:hi i have a question do you guys think i over-reacted? i was having a very private conversation with my father about his wife and i guess she cheated on him with some younger man and they have 3 kids. my father was real upset like i never seen him before, they're going to get divorced and my father was talking with me about it, i was in my room so i left to the kitchen for more privacy at my house thinking everybody was in their rooms. it was late so i was alone and I'm feeling real bad for my dad trying to calm him down. anyhow Ive been in a not so good of a mood about that and been thinking about it i don't share any of these thing about my dad with anyone because its between myself and him and my soon to be x wife (reason for that is I'm getting divorced myself check my other post you will know why). i didn't want her to know about it because she has a big mouth and will tell my mom about it trying to kiss my mom's butt and as it is i don't get along with my mom too good and she will throw that in my face all the time we have an argument and then everybody will find out, like my aunts and they don't like my dad as it is. so that happen about 4 days ago, today I'm leaving to the gym after work and not knowing that my soon to be ex-wife knows about it, she said to me i was talking to your dad's wife, i said about what, she like just stuff. as soon as she said that i was like she don't have her number i was like did she call you she said yes, now I'm thinking oh no i hope shes not putting things in my soon to be ex-wife's head or vise versa. I'm got very mad and said to my soon to be ex-wife what did you guys talk about, she didn't want to say a word, then she seen me really mad and said i know they're getting separated, i said why is she calling you about it she was like i don't know. then things are starting to fly all in my head and i start to call my Father's wife to complian to her, then my wife said stop i heard you talking to your dad, she said that she was going to the kitchen for water with my oldest daughter and that they heard me talking to my father about it. now i was listening to my dad more then anything so she had to have been listening for a while, i got really pissed off especially at my daughter because she knows better then to eaves drop on my conversation i hate that. i call her and my soon to be ex-wife in the room and was yelling at both of them, i guess i was more disappointed at my oldest daughter because she know me and knows her mom how she is. then i try going to the gym i got there and left like 5 min in to my workout i was just too upset. i talk to my daughter again not yelling but just said to her to never do that again, but i don't even want to look at my soon to be ex-wife let alone talk to her about it I'm still pissed off she said to me at that moment who cares its not any of your business, any how what do you care why couldn't you just tell me don't you Trust me, i said no then i said because its not any of your business, i said i never listen to the stuff you talk with your parents because i dont care why should you and then just left the house now i hope she didnt tell my mom if she hasn't already.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 October 2011):
 Listen... I get that you have a deal with evesdropping. But they weren't exactly spying on you. If you wanted privacy you could have stayed in your room (don't understand why you didn't) or gone to the bathroom, or to your car, or out for a walk or something. Standing in the kitchen expecting no one to move about the house and calling it rude if they happen to walk in on your private conversation isn't exactly.. well... polite either. You're taking your own position a bit too highly, and diminish their right to move around the house.
Maybe they stopped to eavesdrop. Shame on them. But maybe they just walked to the kitchen, heard the conversation at the point where you did talk back to your father and revealed information, and your wife in particular stopped to hear what was going on, and then left. Doesn't take more than a few minutes if at the right time.
Your daughter, I don't know how old she is, but I hardly think she'd eavesdrop on purpose because your conversation would probably not be of interest to her, would it? If she stayed to listen her mother probably made her.
Yelling and shouting isn't justified in any case, as far as I am concerned. Yes, I know, people get worked up. But it doesn't justify yelling and scaring others, especially not children.
At the end, what happened happened. You didn't want them to know, but you were careless about where you went to have this private conversation. It's a lot easier to blame your wife and daughter for sneaking in and evesdropping (you put it almost as if that's what they do all the time, like it couldn't possibly have been an accident). It's easier to blame them for the spreading of information than it is to blame yourself for not having picked a private space to hold the private conversation.
Leave this be and don't make more fuzz about it, and next time you want to keep something secret don't go to the kitchen where everyone and anyone can easily turn around the corner and over-hear you, whether they want to or not. Just go somewhere that's actually private next time.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (28 October 2011):
 Hi,Sorry to hear about your dad, be supportive of him, he will need all the help he can get... I know the feeling, and it will take time for your dad to heal. No, you did not over-reacted! You have the right to be angry... You have the right to have your own privacy. Listen to others people conversation is rude, disrespectful, and show no manners. Don't be too angry at your daughter, because it was not her fault, I guess she was forced to listen, I don't think it was her fault at all. I am glad you had a calm talk with her later, because she needs to understand that ear dropping should never be acceptable no matter what circumstances. I wish you, and your dad the best, and hope you both together can overcome all your problems, and hopefully solve all issues in civil manner, peacefully, and quickly...Good luck
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