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Caught my daughter using a vibrator.

Tagged as: Family, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 April 2009) 11 Answers - (Newest, 17 April 2009)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

im a dad and i cauht my dauther using a vibrater in her room shes 12 and what should i do

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009):

Don't panic I had my periods at age 10 and by age 12 definitely had sexual thoughts so let her develop naturally and don't make her feel dirty or wrong about herself - that could have dire consequences for her self worth and future relationships.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009):

Dont worry, chances are shes probably just experimenting, girls get curious at that age- if she was atcually thinking about having sex, it's easy enough to find a teenage boy who wants to sleep with you.

Also vibrators are pretty easy to get hold of- I saw a machine in a public loo once!It dosen't necessarily mean she's been in a sex shop.I can imagine how embarrassed you both are though!I'd probably leave a note rather than actually speaking to her,less awkward.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009):

speaking as a guy, could have been so much worse.

Id apologise for entering her room, treat her like an adult, and she will know she can talk to you if she wants to.

Best of luck

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A female reader, Honeygirl South Africa +, writes (17 April 2009):

Honeygirl agony auntOoohhh.... think is an awkward situation to handle. Perhaps mention to your daughter the once you got caught by mother/father/brother/friend whilst masturbating so you understand just how embarrassing it is, and that you promise you will never enter her room without knocking first! (even if noboby has ever caught you, it might help to lighten the situation!)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009):

I have a little addendum: when you don't say anything, you run the risk of expressing a breakdown of communication. And we all know that's the number one source of family challenge. So, silence just might be telling her there is a ceiling to what you two talk about. Therefore I would say something, anything. Just something that indicates you are aware and you accept and love her no matter what. Just achieve that goal alone.

Sure, she may feel awkward or embarrassed, but that's a small price to pay to show her she has a dad who accepts her as she is.

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A female reader, kellyxxx United Kingdom +, writes (17 April 2009):

kellyxxx agony auntI bet she is really embarrassed! Don't try to talk to her about sex! I would write her a little note saying that you are sorry for entering her room without knocking, avoid the actual subject! If she wants to talk then she'll talk to you. Do you live with her mum? If so then get her mum to have a chat with her, but tell her not to mention the vibrator! X

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A male reader, ArmyMedic United Kingdom +, writes (17 April 2009):

ArmyMedic agony auntIt's just one of the many things that is about to shock and scare you having a teenage girl.

Just remember this is perfectly normal and consider her feelings.... How would you feel if she caught you masturbating?! Pretty embarrassed I think.

It probably is the time to have the talk, but expect a very embarrassed little girl for a while.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009):

ok, this may come to a shock to you. But your daughter is just experimenting her body. She is going through the change of life, and is curious what things are like down below.

Im sure you can remember experimenting at her age. Im sure she is just embarrassed as you. You can either ask if she wants to talk about it if not just leave it. I would not want to talk to my dad about something like this. All i can say it least you did not catch her with a guy. Think it like that. Hope this helped. Ally :-)

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A female reader, Mummy08 United Kingdom +, writes (17 April 2009):

Mummy08 agony auntOkay this was obviously an embarrassing situation for you and her she is coming of age and exploring her body.

Dont panic it doesn't mean she will be having sex she is just experimenting.

Its very important that you talk to her about what you saw say its okay and answer any questions she might have also. Make it clear that she wont be having sex untill she's older but also answer any questions she has with regards to sex the more she knows the less likely she'll jump into bed with a boy, most of us try sex out when were young due to lack of understanding so communication is key but try not to make it seem like your having ago it can a confusing time for her. She will confide in you more if she feels she can approach you.

Hope this helped

Good Luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009):

Let her.

Mention it: hey that is some cool toy. I'm glad you've figured out it's much safer than having all the other attachments, like, say, a boy. So good going on staying safe!

Hey dad all girls check this out some as early as nine. When I caught my daughter I just said, "I understand. That's the way your body is built - that stuff feels good. Just remember no boys get to touch you anywhere your bathing suit covers because you're a princess, and princesses don't let anyone touch them."

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A female reader, keepitreal03  +, writes (17 April 2009):

You tube oprah. It came on last week about teens and sex last wed or thursday. It talks about teens and pre teens and vibraters. They say its normal and better then her having sex she is feeling new things but don't be mad. Please see the show it will give u every answer.

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