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Can you love your boyfriend but still have feelings for your ex?

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 July 2007) 7 Answers - (Newest, 20 July 2007)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Can you still have feelings for your ex and be in love with the boyfriend you have now? I'm in love with my boyfriend and we have a great relationship but occasionally memories of my ex come up and sometimes I've dreamt about him occasionally. I find myself thinking that if I could go back in time I wouldn't have made all the mistakes I made with my ex but then I never would have met my current boyfriend. I know there's no chance of ever getting back together with my ex but I still think about it sometimes. I thought of throwing away my pictures of him but I really can't part with them. And yet I'm very much in love with my current boyfriend and happy with him. So is it okay to still have feelings (but no intentions) about a past boyfriend?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007):

I believe a strong love , an 'ex' can be a very strong bond, that can never be broken.

A strange thing occurs, memories over time seem to get blurred, and forgotten, if you let them, I guess its the minds self defense mechanism. The stronger that old love was to you, the stronger the feelings will resonant within you forever.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks, I can make the choice to just stop daydreaming and fantasizing. I appreciate my new boyfriend more every day. To Norah who asked, I was the one who broke up; our personalities were just too uncompatible.

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A female reader, flower girl United Kingdom +, writes (18 July 2007):

flower girl agony auntI don't think it's unhealthy if you still think about your ex as long as it does not interfere with your current relationship.

I think it would probably be a good idea to get rid of the old photo's though and just move on.

Take care.xx.

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A female reader, raychell United Kingdom +, writes (18 July 2007):

raychell agony auntI understand you problem but Im coming from the opposite of you situation. I think my bf has feelings for his ex still. But if your current bf doesnt no about how your feeling towards your ex then there could be a problem. Everybody thinks about there exes at least once a week and thats a fact its just what happens. In time youll forget they even exsisted or if you are still friends with your ex youll forget that you even had a relationship with each other. Theres no easy solution to this one but I would say just try and fizzle it out eventually it will fade and you will only have thoughts about one man. The one that you truely love.

Good Luck

XxX

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A male reader, nologo Ukraine +, writes (18 July 2007):

nologo agony auntPast boyfriends belong to your history.

You gotta overcome the feelings to him.

As I see, you are "in love with the boyfriend you have now".

So focus on building relationship with your current partner.

"thinking that if I could go back in time" is called Dreams.

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A female reader, YummyMummy United Kingdom +, writes (18 July 2007):

YummyMummy agony auntI think there is always some kind of connection between you and someone you had a serious thing with. Like your first love. I was told as a child you never forget them. My first love who happened to be the first guy I slept with to was a right bum and a bit of a waster but I still have a soft spot for him in my heart. I wouldn't go as far to say I have "feelings" for him though.

I dream about a few of my exs too very occasionally, in a non sexual way. Just like my ex does about his ex aswell. We all look back at relationships and think about what we would have done differently but just think, if things hadn't of happened the way they did with your ex you wouldn't be with the guy you are with now?!

I think it's ok to have the feelings you have as long as they don't interfere with your current relationship. Like, I wouldn't tell your current guy all the happy memories with your ex or anything like that. It might make him a little jealous and stuff.

xxxxxxx

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A female reader, norah Egypt +, writes (18 July 2007):

hey sweetie i had that problem too its ok about thinking about ur ex but u dont love him anymore u r inlove with ur boyfriend but its normal if u think about ur ex . could u tell me if ur ex is the one who broke up with u and when u left each other ? waiting for ur reply

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