A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend. We are in a LDR and we have been trying to make it work. The only thing that bugs me is that I find myself in relationships where men like to talk dirty to me and I think my relationship is turning into that.I love sex a lot but I dont abuse it. I am always in a long term monagamous relationship. For this relationship my boyfriend fell instantly for me and we always talked about serious things in the beginning like marraige and the future. I understand that relationship romance goes through the honeymoon phase, and things slow down after a while.Now he talks less about the future and we are having more fun than before. Its almost like Im losing confidence we are going to even make it to marraige. Everything we talk about now he manages to twist and change the subject into something sexual. While I try to play along with it cos' we dont have to be serious all the time, it bothers me. Most especially because this had happened to all the guys I have dated. I know my boyfriend knows I have lots to offer besides sex cos' he tells me how lucky he is to have met an all around chick that is smart, family oriented and outgoing. So this is not my problem. My problem is I tend to think that too much of sex talk throws respect out of the door. I am very conservative on the outside but on bed I am not shy to try it all. Men often takes this as you been wild and they feel they can talk to you any kind of way. This is what I dont like. I guess I always like for my man to not look at me like im wild cos im really conservative in nature. I hate the dirty talks but allow it so that things stay spicy but could I be leading him into thinking indifferent of me wanting something serious?Is this a normal thing that goes on in your relationships? If the sex is good do you all find yourselves talking about sex a lot? If I try to get him to cut back on the sex talk, will he perceive me as boring and someone who is not fun enough to joke around? Am I doing something wrong in my relationship for this to happen all the time?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOur LDR have got really serious. He is committed to relocating and have been applying for jobs in the area. One should be allowed to flirt a little but when it gets uncomfortable I have to question where things are heading.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): Maybe he's just horny and in an LDR there's not much else he can do when he's already used to sex, and yes if you've encouraged it before he probably thinks it's always fair game. However, just like you shouldn't have sex in person when you don't want to, you shouldn't have to have sex talk when you don't want to, either. Have you expressed to him the feelings you described?
Just because he twists the subject to something sexual doesn't mean you can't twist it right back to what you wanted to talk about. Tell him you'd like to re-connect with him emotionally. He shouldn't think you're "boring" just because you don't like dirty talks--he doesn't seem to be worrying that you'll think he's shallow just because he talks dirty all the time! :(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): You're absolutely normal. Too much sex talk, too much of anything really, creates an imbalance and dissatisfaction elsewhere in the relationship.Instead of worrying about whether or not he finds you boring, take note of the fact that you're already beginning to find HIM boring. And he is more likely to lose respect for and interest in you if you keep trying to accomodate all of his wants and needs at the expense of your own.Rather than having a long heart to heart chat about this I suggest you simply steer the conversation to other topics when you're not in the mood for flirty talk. If he keeps steering it back, then hes not the one for you.I'm not sure what your long term plans are with this chap or why it's long distance. Personally, I think that until you two have concrete plans for one or both of you to relocate and make a real life together, then what you're experiencing is infatuation (which fades) and not love. Only make a serious commitment for a fulfilling, serious relationship, not some passing fancy.Start the way you mean to continue. Learn to be clear with yourself and others about what you really want and need.
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