A
male
age
51-59,
*ruthbeknown844
writes:Recently i went through a bad break up. i was separated for over a year and a half when i met this woman and she knew what my status was. i wasn't looking to date but we kept meeting each other professionally and then it just clicked from there. we became intimate and although it was wonderful in that regard she would withdraw and need space quite often and usually on short notice while we were together. She introduced me to her family but not her friends and that really concerned me. she had kids and so did i and we only saw each other minimum once per week but it averaged 2x per month.after my divorce was finalized she confused some abuse and then started pushing my buttons in various different ways and requested more space after intimacy. She broke up with me over the phone and then when i tried to reconcile i was limited to text messages with her. we agreed to get together and talk but she framed it in a way that she needed to talk to me to decide if she could move forward. The day came when we were supposed to meet and she still hadn't called. on top of that my ex had a crisis and i had to take my kids. from there i did something very stupid but i was afraid she was going to drop me when we met and she was still playing the hurt one even though she broke up with me. she had a history of doing this (being hurt even when she hurt me)so i sent her an email saying that we should take a break but i worded it crappy. she replied saying she couldn't go on with me. i was devistated because i didn't mean forever, i just wanted to take a break and get my emotions etc in order. anyway, she was very cold and distant and acted like it was no big deal. i was so hurt that after a few days i sent another email with a tough love message telling her she was putting up walls etc. now i'm depressed because i hate that i sent her those emails and i didn't look into advise about what she told me about her abuse or else i would have treaded more lightly. i contacted her once again and she told my friend that i wouldn't leave her alone (not true, i always complied with her wishes). i still feel guilty even though she had secrets like not telling me where she was going when she went out with the girls, and not wanting to bring me to the gym where she worked out on a specific day that she normally would go. anyway, my question is, do any of you out there think if she really did love me, care about me that she would just cut me off like this? i think it could be that she thinks all men are abusive even if they aren't. I used to sing her songs, write poetry for her etc. it still hurts :-(
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male
reader, truthbeknown844 +, writes (24 April 2011):
truthbeknown844 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso nobody so far thinks that if she was emotionally healthy and loved me that she would have walked away even after i blew off our meeting. i guess i was thinking that she was just sensitive and that by doing that she felt rejected and then was just afraid to reconcile because of fear of future rejection. So i guess i'm asking if you're a woman answering this question and your guy got mad at you and said things he didn't mean but you had been going out with him for 6 months or so would you fight for him, forgive him even if he was wrong as long as he confessed it? (which i did)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): so from the answers that i'm getting no one thinks that even if i was tough on her she shouldn't just give up this easy. in other words, i think if she were healthy emotionally she would have listened to my apology. thanks for all your feedback.
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A
male
reader, Wamaidza  +, writes (24 April 2011):
 Well from me l would just recommend that you just let it be,because even if you prove to her that you do care still it wount help and the more you would plunge deep into the affiar the more the frustrations.Your love to her is genuine but if this is not reciprocated even the least then it wount work.Relax the a brighter day comes after the darkest night.Pray hard and you will overcome. Happy easter!
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A
female
reader, littleBB  +, writes (24 April 2011):
I am sorry to hear this, but I have to say she probably didn't love you and it would be best for you if you just let her go. As much as it hurts you need to understand it wasn't meant and it is not your fault, there's nothing you can do. ou should not feel guilty about her you have done nothing wrong and you could not help her, abuse victims need to face their problems on their own and with the help of a professional, they migh be able to heal but that's not your job.
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A
male
reader, truthbeknown844 +, writes (24 April 2011):
truthbeknown844 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionaunt honesty,
thank you for your reply. i did feel that way; that she didn't love me or couldn't love me even if she wanted to. i'm confused because she cried for the first time when she told me about her abuse. i wasn't prepared to handle it and i was really head over heals for her. you're probably right and thats why i put the question out to see if other woman thought if she loved me if she would forgive me and give a chance to talk with her again. i've read about narcissism and it did appear like she couldn't accept hearing anything she didn't like. anyway, thanks for your feedback.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 April 2011):
 I am sorry but I dont think that she did love you. She may have once cared for you, but if she loved you well then she wouldnt have left you. Its horrible that she was abused in the past and if she hasnt dealt with that yet well then yes it might still effect her relationships with men. Abused victims usually dont let themselves fall for men they just use them. Am afraid there is nothing you can do about this. She needs to accept for herself that she needs help over her past and I think the best thing that you can do now is forget about her. She never loved you I am afraid and you need to accept that, cut all contact from her and move on. Its the only way you will heal good luck.
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