| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been in love with the same guy for 4 years now and we dated and planned on being together, but he kept lying so I moved on, and now he hates me. Is there any way to make this better? I know we can't be together but it would be nice if we could be friends.
View related questions:
crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone who helped. I guess it's not so much that I want to be friends with him anymore. It would just make me feel better about the situation, because thats 4 years of my life that I can't get back... I understand what you are saying and I know your right.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2006): He hates you because he kept lying to you and you finally had enough?
Don't you see any thing strange about that? i.e. why should he hate you?
And... 4 years? How long do you need to plan on getting together with someone?
You sound like a nice person, but too nice. You want to remain friends, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen.
Any how - why would you want to be friends with someone that has kept lying to you?
...............................
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (12 June 2006):
 Being friends after a break up is always hard, mainly because one party wants to keep it that way in the hope of rekindling the relationship. This in turn leads to more heatache if the other party doesnt want to. You say dated him, and were in love with him for four years ? Were you actually together for 4 years or were you just kind of dating but you feel in love and he didnt ? You say he lied alot and you had to move on, where these really bad lies, things that really affected his relationship with you, maybe it was a trust issue. You say he now hates you, perhaps its more that he cant stand the fact that you broke up and the only way he can deal with it is to have nothing more to do with you. If somebody doesnt want contact you cant make them, its his way of dealing with it. Maybe try contacting him if thats what you really want, but if he doesnt want to be freinds there is little you can do about it. You will have to move on as he has done.
Take care
x
...............................
A
female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (12 June 2006):
 dear reader. to be honest with you i think its best to break off all ties. your only going to get hurt. in my experiance if a man lyes all the time there's no chance his going to change now. after a relationship that has ended badly there's really not much chance of being friends after my advice would be to move on
i hope you find peace
all the best xxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2006): Unless the relationship had become very, very distant towards the end, break-ups tend to leave both parties with all kinds of raw emotional bullshit in their wake. It is therefore nigh impossible to switch over from boyfriend of 4 years to 'just friends' overnight, no matter how mature both parties are. Especially after such a lengthy relationship, if you really feel like the two of you should be friends (because you share common interests, friends, whatever), there is a requisite 'cool-down' period for the both of you to re-adjust to single life, which involves purging the bile from that ended relationship. Purge to the point where you can maybe be friends again, that is.
Recognize also that he may not be interested in being friends at all, and if he won't budge, you'd best accept that and not aggravate him any more. Some people feel that 'being friends' is somehow crucial to the break-up process. It is not. You'd better decide if it is indeed worth your while to pursue it.
...............................
|
