A
female
age
30-35,
*ercedezj
writes:I met my boyfriend online, and neither of us closed the online accounts after we "got together". For my part, I hadn't entered very often at all... Just to try and make myself feel better or show him how i feel when he continued to log on almost daily! When he'd come home from work he'd have chats and notifications from more sites!! Anyway after hearing all kinds of rubbish from him about just saying hi, he was going to delete the accounts, etc, several times, he still has the apps. I had gotten almost completely over it until: a) one of the contacts was,very graphic and outright xxx and b) for him, had basically stopped talking to my guyfriends and my girlfriends (platonic) and moved over 500 miles away from my family. However, this last month i have been reconnecting a bit since my boyfriend is still in denial and has a buddy xbox360. Well, his phone is a piece and last night i let him borrow mine when he had to help a friend with a car. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mercedezj +, writes (8 March 2013):
mercedezj is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfrom asker:
our outburst started cause he went through my phone and found i had talked to an ex, a guy friend, and a few ppl on the same site he uses.... And id asked a stupid question (why didnt so and so ask me out?) It was stupid i almost didn't ask and now i feel worse cause i honestly wouldn't go out with him based on our friendship and i wouldn't leave my relationship for another guy .... The truth is i love my boyfriend more than anything, he's honestly the best guy I've ever had, but he won't see me eye to.eye on this issue. My deal is either we can both chat as long as it doesn't go above that level, or we can both delete all the apps or questionable contacts...but it's not going to be he can talk to half naked ladies but i can't talk to my friends...
A
female
reader, Pixie.Greatorex  +, writes (8 March 2013):
 I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this with your boyfriend right now and hope that the advice i give is of some help to you. Take the things that help and leave the things that don't help....The first thing that comes to mind is that, as you know, online dating sites are designed for single people and so that begs the question as to why a man in a relationship is loitering on them. You can not control other peoples behaviour but you can control your response to their behaviour. I think that you could afford to be firm with him about this but if you make it an ultimatum that if he continues to be a member of even one dating site then you will be leaving the relationship that you must then be committed to honouring that ultimatum. If you can not stick to your word on this then i would not recommend dealing him an ultimatum to begin with. If this is the case then remember that people will only treat you how you allow them to treat you and maybe you could lift the bar on how you allow yourself to be treated in a relationship; we both know you deserve better than to feel this way.Finally, it boils down to trust...if you could send him in to a room full of women and you know instinctively he would be faithful then that is the most reassuring feeling in the world. It allows both parties to be in a healthy relationship where each party has the personal space to grow, change and make the most of the opportunities life has to offer. There is nothing more distracting than when trust is non existent to the point where it becomes your daily primary focus and if this is the case then you both deserve better. Maybe work on the trust (if his behaviour warrants trust) or end the relationship so that you can both have something more healthy either single or with a new partner further down the road. Good luck with whatever you choose to do, no one knows your situation quite like you do x
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (8 March 2013):
 No you can't trust a guy who continues to log into dating sites and chat with potential mates while he is in a relationship. Unfortunately there's really nothing you can do at this point. I think some people become dependent on the ego boost from getting contacts from the sites and continue to visit (and eventually meet up with the people).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): If the two of you are dating and not exclusive then you both can so what you want on the dating sites you visit. If the two of you are officially boyfriend/girlfriend and exclusive, nobody should be visiting dating websites and they should all be closed or suspended.
Maybe it's time you both sit down and talk about it...decide what you are to each other at this time and make a decision to make each other a priority and not have an interest in anyone else, or keep it casual. Communicate what you want and how you feel. If he is not on the same page, it's time to rethink your relationship with this guy.
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