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female
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anonymous
writes: Oh my God! i need advice on this so much, i hope someone can help. ive been with my boyfriend now for 3 months. about 2-3 weeks ago, he said that he wanted to be serious with me. in the begining it was just fun, neither of us wanting anything serious, i noticed myself starting to like him more than that, after about 2 months, so obviously i was chuffed when he said this. however it's all gone pete tong since. on friday night he confessed that he had been seeing another girl since we met. seeing her every week, and of course, having sex. and to top it all she's my ex's sister.Now me and "Amy" were friendly when i was going out with her brother, but we never made any effort really to stay in touch after me and her brother broke up, but we have always made an effort to say hi, if we saw each other out. Around the same time that he told me he wanted to be serious with me, he met her and called it all off. that was the first time she knew about him seeing another girl, and was naturally very upset. He realised from conversations that we had about past relationships, that there was a chance that we knew eachother, and decided to come clean. when he told me about her i just broke down, i was actually sick. i phoned her and she was devestated that it was me. she came round his house and confronted him. naturally he didnt know where to look. he sat us down and said to "amy" that he only regared what they had as a bit of fun, and didnt tell her any different, and that if he hadn't of met me that it would have ended anyway. he told us that he wanted to be with me, after he realised that he was falling in love with me, and that he was overcome with guilt and just couldnt do it to me anymore. me and "amy" left and went to the nearest pub and got completly drunk. he text and text me pleading for another chance, which upset "amy" even more. she showed me intimate pictures of them together from her phone and told me eveything they had done in the bedroom, needless to say i cried my heart out. everytime he said he was with the boys, it turns out he was with her and vice versa. one of my friends knows him and swears this isnt his character, and thinks he acted like this because hes been in long term relationships since he was 16, and had split with someone about 4 months before meeting me and maybe still wanted to have some fun, but didnt want to loose me either.( no excuse i know)hes told me that he never wanted to hurt anyone and that seeing me upset broke his heart. since he told me he wanted to be serious he was the perfect partner. hes begging for another chance. im willing to forgive just this once. as neither of us knew what we wanted in the beginning, we just fell later on, and once he realised that, he broke all contact with "amy".needless to say im upset and really not sure if i can trust him again. i know trust comes with time. i do want to give him a second chance, but i want him to realise that he lost me and he needs to win me back and he needs to be honest with me to win back my trust.he wants to start again from scratch. all i can say is what has happened, i cant say much about the future, but i know i dont want to think in time to come what if? i do believe you can forgive, but maybe not forget. my barriers are up and i want him to realise that.im thinking maybe a trial run and just see how it goes?we both know that what hes done is awful, to say the least. we are having a chat tomorrow, and we both know its make or break time. we both know that what we talk about has to be the last time its mentioned if we stand a chance of surviving, bringing up the past will get us no where. hes willing to do anything to keep me. we agree that this is hard for the both of us, but that if we can get through this we can get through anything. im so sorry for "amy" and dont want to hurt her by getting back with him on a trial, if you see what i mean. am i completly insane to think that maybe he truely is sorry for what hes done and that there is a chance that maybe we can move on from this as a copule?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2005): Once a cheater always a cheater, i would leave him all together and find someone who will really love you, he cant really love you that much if he has done something that hurtful to you. But if you do want to take him back just be aware it not a fast east process, you will go through so many emotions and developing trust again for him will take a very long time too. and the thought of him doing that will probably be still in the back of your head for the rest of your relationship, do you think its very fair you have to go through all of this because of his actions, i think it would be better if he suffers for his actions rather then you.
A
female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (11 December 2005):
 That was such a low thing for him to do to you... If it was me, I would tell him to hit the highway... It is just one thing I would never stand for.
But I detect from your posting, that you are keen to give him another chance?
Well, if you think he is worth it, hell, what have you got to lose... do it if it makes you happy.
Hope he wont dissapoint you again, is all I can say,
Good Luck and Take Care.
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