A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:should i marry her or not? ..hi all. i have been reading about the hurt that we guys feel about your fiance's past. i am in a similar situation and at a point of making a decision to marry or wait. a good advice will help here. i will start with the story behind. i met my girlfriend when i was 25 and she was 19. at the time i was serious with a former mother of my child and with the girl who was her neighbour. this means i was cheating on the mother of my child. i broke up with her neighbour before i went out with my girlfriend because she got involved with someone else. our relationship with this current girlfriend was casual but we had sex. i knew a 7 guys she dated before when she was young. at the time i was very unfaithful and had sex with a lot of other girls. i cheated on her with more than 30 girls using protection and i later i got another child with the mother of my baby in 2004. Me and the mother of these babies broke up due to very serious reasons and i was eventually left with this girl whom i am currently with now. i know i have made a lot of mistakes in my past and hurt a lot of women and i am now 31 and grown up and wanting to settle down. the problem now is that my wife-to-be has confessed that she cheated on me in 2002 just after the relationship started and also in 2004 with two men at different times. the first instance in 2002 was with the 39 year old man and the second one in 2004 was with the rich man who met with her at the party and they exchanged numbers and they eventually met and had one night sex. that relationship never worked and she later slept with the guy with whom she worked to do promotions for an alcohol company. she claims that she got drunk as she was not a drinker and the guy took advantage. at that time i had lost my job and i was also cheating on her left and right and i got another child from the 2nd woman, meaning i had two children while she was there since 2002. the main reason i was cheating was because i never respected her due to the way i had met her. she already had a child with the guy i know but they broke up at childhood. in 2006 our relationship got serious and we had a baby boy and now she is pregnant with my child again. the problem is that i am now a very focussed person who has realized his past mistakes but i cant get over the fact that she cheated on me three times with differnt men in 2002 and 2004. is she worth trusting or i should just look elsewhere, can women really change for the better or a cheater will always be a cheater? i am hurting because everytime we have sex this crosses my mind and the worse thing is that the guy who worked with her is a friend of the guy i know. i know i have been the worst man for cheating on all these women but i have changed and i want to marry someone trustworthy. my girlfriend says she has changed and it was all because of the other relationships that i was having, she says she was feeling insecure. the question is ,, will i ever get over this past history or what...why does it hurt so bad when we as men find out about the promiscuities of our partners. we are currently having an excellent relationship but i am not sure whether marrying her would be the right decision. i must also state that after 2004 there was really nothing that i can think of that was negative from her side, i think she outgrew her past but i am not sure...i just want the best for my kids. Help Help!
View related questions:
broke up, cheated on me, drunk, exchanged numbers, fiance, her past, insecure, neighbour Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): thanks a lot Gecko for replying to my question. I love this woman with all my heart now and I dont want anything to stand on our way. I can just admit you are right if you say no more confussion about women now. It is just that there is this feeling of doubt for which i dont have any reasons more especially from the time our relationship got serious from 2006. If i can get rid of this doubt, i would marry her immediately. Maybe i need more advice on how i can forget about the past completely (not to say wipe it out) and focus on all the good things she has done for me and my children. As a point to note here for other men who cheat on their women who love them: it is a well known and an existing fact that whatever we as humans do has an equal effect in opposite direction (coming back to you). I would advice any man who has a loyal woman that loves them not to be engaged in other affairs because when this hits back home, it is unbearable as we least expected it. If you cheat on your loyal woman, you are weakening your relationship and hence opening your woman to vulnerabilities, by law. We need to remember that there are many men out there who are keen to go out with your loyal woman and the more you weaken the relationship the closer they get to her, by law. Professionals who counsel people on marriages must start researching the dynamics involved in this universe that make people do certain things while committed, I believe cheating on a partner is simply due to ignorance, trying to have fun, explore or whatever the reason maybe but the consequences are that; whatever we created through our actions and mental patterns comes back to us some day. These are immutable laws just as there is a law of gravity, i would call this the Law of Cause and Effect. Fun and ignorance must stop and we must start valueing our women and if we do that they will undoubtedly return the same to us but only be aware of what the Subconscious Mind (sixth sense) tells you before you commit, it is hardly wrong!!! Having said that I would like recommendations on how i can make this relationship work without any negative sparks from the past. This woman can do anything to be with me as well so it would be an effort from and for both of us. Any websites or programmes or even literature that we can read? Please Help!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): Do you think she would want to get married with an untrustworthy husband?!
You say you have changed, do you know that?! She could say she has changed, would you believe her?!
Mate you have many kids you can't do the best for all of them obviously. You could've been the best dad in the world but you've created a whole bunch of them...
Christmas could be awkward...
Enough of the lecture on that part, your relationship is built on a foundation fuelled with BOTH (mostly you) your cheating, other children and women, lies.
But bizzarely there is essences of trust in there...
Well whatever is hurting you, you need to get a grip. You are a man, you want to fight through this.
Personally I'd wait and see what she does. If she starts cheating you know she can't be trusted, but if she doesn't, you can marry her if you want to spend the rest of your life with her and only her. This means no more cheating. No more wandering between women. No more moaning, 'Oh which one, which one,'
This one and only this one.
...............................
|
