A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I desperately want love (no sex, just love)but, no one I've met wants one without the other. Everyone around me says I'm foolish for holding back and expecting someone to stay. So, please tell me, Am I a princess whose just kissed the wrong frogs and needs to keep looking? Or am I just some silly virgin? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): hello
I hear you. I'm a 20/f and I'm looking for the same thing.. not because I ant to keep my virginity. . I'm not a virgin . . because I just don't know how to deal with my own or others sexuality, probably mostly because I was sexually abused as a child. . .I just freak out when people get too close or intimate.
So. I know . . it's hard . .but when it comes down to it you have to stick to what you feel you truly want or no. Having sex you don't want just to have the relationship is devaluing and very harmful . . that's being a prostitute for love. Nobody should have to do that . .
I don't know how to find other people who feel similarly either but there just doesn't seem to be another option . . I'm going to start with google.
good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): No you're not crazy. Keep looking for that special person.
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A
female
reader, zucaritas  +, writes (12 January 2008):
I used to be like you. However, after many years of dating I realized I was narrowing my chances by holding intercourse and by the time I lost my virginity (VERY late in the game-I did last year at 29, gasp) it really didn't mean much and, looking back, I would have been better off if I'd done it sooner rather than later.In any case, I agree with the other posters in that you gotta be really clear about what means more--your virginity or your desire to be loved. I am convinced you can have both but it will take time. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 It is up to you to CHOOSE men that want the same things as you do.
If you want love, but not sex, then go hang out at places where guys who want to wait for sex too, would be hanging out.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Hi,
your post is just a little vague. You don't say the reason you wont have sex, is it religious or just something you have been brought up to believe.
The problem today is most people, men and women, need to know after a while if they are sexually compatible to their partners. Moreover, most people see keeping hold of your virginity until you get married as old fashioned and irrelevant in modern society.
But at the end of the day it is your choice, it's your body and you are entitled to believe what you want and do what you want. But the fact remain's most men and women for that matter expect a physical relationship when things get serious. I'm not talking about jumping into bed after a couple of dates, I'm talking about a committed relationship where both the man and woman love each other. If you deprive your boyfriends of physical intimacy you might just let Mr Right slip through your hands.
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (10 January 2008):
No, you are not silly, you are just someone who knows what they want, but what you want is hard to find. So you have to ask if you are really prepared to wait as long as it takes to get what you want, or do you prefer to change your thinking around the subject. A lot depends on your reasons for what you want, and don't want. Having said that, if you decide it is definitely what you want, and you are prepared to wait as long as it takes, there are other people in the world who will feel the same as you.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2008): i really don't think you0re either.
the way i see it is quite natural that after a while with someone you would want to engage in something more sexual. it's only human!
if you do not feel that urge or have principles against following it... maybe try looking for love in the circle of people that share your views in what regards sex.
all the best
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