A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I read recently in an article written by a prominent psychologist that lots of casual sex or sex with people you do not love can cause a person to "split off" from him- or herself, losing touch with his or her emotions. The person then becomes confused, unsure of what he or she feels, since these emotions have been supressed to a great degree during very intimate moments.I know someone like this and I am thinking there may some truth to this. Often we say causal sex is ok as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. But it can cause lasting damage to one's own psyche and emotions. What are your thoughts?Thanks. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your thoughts.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011): Yos - I would like to post the studies you request. But this website will not let me. The posts just go edited or missing every time I have tried in the past.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (24 August 2011):
 "lots of casual sex"
It all comes down to defining 'lots'.
Do you mean five casual sex partners? Fifty? Five hundred?
I don't think anyone can answer this question: there is no meaningful scientific research that has been done. And a prominent psychologist only gets to see people who need to see prominent psychologists: so his / her sample is not at all representative.
'Raw research data' is mentioned, but I haven't seen any, and this is a subject I paid a great deal of attention to not long ago. If there is research, can someone please link to it?
What I can say is that many people want to believe this because it gives them a justification for criticizing casual sex. Which many people want to do for either personal, moral or religious reasons. I myself at one point developed a deep animosity towards casual sex: this felt totally reasonable at the time but turned out to be just a way to rationalize some very negative emotions I was feeling. Once I let go of those emotions, the negative judgements about casual sex also disappeared.
From a personal standpoint, I know people who have engaged in next to no casual sex who have 'lasting damage to their psyche', and I know people who have engaged in a great deal of casual sex who are psychologically sound and very happy people. Does this refute the theory?
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (24 August 2011):
I would say this is true in the majority of cases but not necessarily in all cases. For the most part though, people who seek out lots of casual sex use it as a way of making themselves feel better to compensate for other parts of their lives not feeling great. This can be that other parts of their life leave them feeling anxious, or bored, or insecure, or lonely, etc. It can be a way of compensating for the fact that they don't have someone in their lives they can connect with deeply, or share love with. They connect through sex, but it will always leave them feeling that they still have not connected in a deeper way with others, which remains a problem. If this is the case, the lack of emotional connection through casual sex leads to the person being less emotionally connected themselves.
Sex is never meaningless, and it always affects us even if we are unaware of the effect it has. It always means something to us. In such cases, it might mean we feel more disconnected, or reinforce our disconnectedness.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): Most people are much too invested in justifying and accepting their own sex histories to be honest with themselves about this question.
The raw research data totally supports the idea that casual/extramarital sex is bad in many ways. But people won't hear something like this unless they want to hear it.
No, I am not religious.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): From what I've seen it's less a *cause* of psychological problems (though I'm sure it doesn't help) than a symptom of existing ones. People who are lacking something in their lives, or people who crave approval, may seek it out by sleeping casually with a wide range of people. Of course the "connections" established in this manner are brief and generally not meaningful, and generally leave the approval-seeker feeling worse about themselves in the end... leading to more casual encounters, which continue the cycle.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (24 August 2011):
 I do think this happens to some ppl who engage in casual sex. If they decide to have casual sex, then they shouldn't have feelings or grow closer to the persons they have sex with since it will be multiple people. And I think the person knows to turn off their emotions instead of not realizing that they do so when they do it. And I also agree that the person suffers emotional damage to one's mind/heart, even if it's not much.
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