A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I am not sure if any of you can help me with this issue.... I have a narcissist ex. We have broken up twice now. The first time he was the vindictive type. He would ask around about me, hold my stuff hostage, drive by my house, text me, etc. However time he seems to just have dropped me like I meant nothing. He is spreading rumors and texting me mean things, but telling me its over and to move on. My question is can a vindictive narcissist go to one who just gives up? Should I expect him to come back this time too or expect that I really do mean nothing to him this time and come to terms with that? What are your opinions?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 May 2010):
 No contact does not mean you must not ever hear his name or he yours. It also does not mean that if you meet him by chance in the street you have to run away screaming.
No contact means that you stop initiating any communication with him and stop answering any message from him.
As for his family and the 6 siblings- it's all about choice. Choices very often imply sacrifices, and if you realy want to break this vicious circle then giving up his family is an acceptable sacrifice.
In this case you can't have your cake and eat it too.
I agree with Bunny Tee- if you don't like how the dynamics are with this guy yet you are not willing to do anything to change them, then what any of us can suggest you ?...
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (28 May 2010):
 So if you already have a number of reasons to legitimize and rationalize away this guy, them may I ask why you're here asking us what to do about him? Don't say we didn't try to warn you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioneveryone says that the only way to deal with these people is no contact. what if that is not really an option? im involved with his family and love his 6 younger siblings. also, all of our friends are the same. it would be nearly impossible to not hear his name or have him hear mine. i would rather move on but suffer sometimes then cut those kids out that need me so much.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (28 May 2010):
Unfortunately, genuine Narcissism runs way too close a second-(perhaps even a symptom!) of the garden variety Sociopath.
These people are telling you the truth.
These guys NEVER change. It will always be by him, for him, and about him.
The fact that you're not getting your head around it, means nothing. He is what he is whether you understand it or not.
They use, abuse, and discard. Just another day on the happy farm-it's no big deal to them. There never is, never was, and never shall be a genuine, viable human being in his skin. Move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know that they devalue and discard, but does this only happen after I ignore him? Or is it something that he has already done? Since I do still get random texts that are mean I can not tell if this is his way of pushing me away so that I will leave him alone or his way of keeping me hanging on? I have mixed feelings.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (27 May 2010):
Do you really have to reply to his texts and calls ?
Do you WANT to ?
Could you not simply ignore him ?...
Same with his vindictive behaviour. So far he has not done anything that requires alerting the police or getting a restraining order, I hope ? He has been basically bugging you.
Ignore him. He'll get tired and give up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I am worried about his next move because I would like to be prepared. I do not want to take him back but would like to know that I mean something you know? If he is vindictive then I want to make sure that I do not fall into his trap. If I think that he is just over the relationship and would not want to be together then I might fall into his traps when he texts me or calls me.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (27 May 2010):
May I ask : why do you care to know ? What difference does it make to you wheter he makes a move or not ?
Would you be ready to take him back if he does ?... And why ?
If he is a vindictive narcissist who left you twice, text you mean things and spreads rumours about you, - then he's just not right for you. The best you can do is moving on and stop wworryng about his next moves.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI get the part about him being a narcissist never changing, but can the post break up person change? Both times he broke up with me after I threatened to leave. But he was acting different the last time we broke up and said I was the only girl he couldnt forget. Now I feel like he got everything out of me this time and sucked me dry then threw me to the side. Can this part of his personality change or should I be watching over my shoulder for when he makes a move?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 May 2010):
He will always be this way. Period. My father is one. And in the 22 years that I've been alive, he's always been one. And he always will be. This won't change, and it's very important that you just get as far away from him as you can. Maybe he will try to come back. Whether he does or not, just get him out of your life.
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