A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need direct, honest answers, preferably from men.I love my husband and don't plan to cheat or divorce. I find him extremely attractive and he shows me love via copious amounts of affection and support. Our sex life on the other hand, is lacking. I know I have a higher than normal libido anyways, and I recognized that his was never going to catch up but after marriage, things are not funny anymore!I am a fan of sex, I am extremely experimental, I encourage toys and I am even happy with porn, heck I even offer to watch together. All the while, all I get is "I'm tired, thank you dear, maybe later-love ya though!"I suggested vitamins, therapy, blood tests- with no avail. Apparently, he is just tired. So now we sleep early as a bid to get him some more snooze time, and the detested word "tired" still lingers. I only see passion from him towards his sports. He is the kindest man in the world which makes the rejection just that bit harder.Its demolishing my self esteem. I don't talk about it any more (because I know thats an even bigger turn off). Im starting to starve my self, I think its my way of punishing myself for not being hot enough.What are some other suggestions? Note that I look after my self, have my own hobbies and avoid nagging as much as I can.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (26 March 2013):
 From what you've described... you simply MUST reconcile to yourself (and hubby) whether or not you and he have a sexual mis-match. IF you do... and IF neither of you will budge (make changes in the sexual part of your marriage/relationship)... then you have to agree to part ways....
I am writing this from a position of claiming that I know... as I dated a girl for 7 years.... and endured what you have described (positions, reversed)... and, finally had to say, "Sorry, but I can't continue this way...".... and walked out the door....
Good luck...
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 March 2013):
 "Im starting to starve my self, I think its my way of punishing myself for not being hot enough." That is NOT congruent with "I look after my self."
There's something going on here, in this relationship dynamic and in your own psyche, that isn't balanced.
His sex drive and your sex drive don't match up. That happens to virtually all couples. Your solution is to expect him to match yours and when he can't, you resort to starving yourself.
I would suggest strongly that you go for a medical work up, your unhealthy reaction to his inability to match your sex drive suggests you may have a hormonal imbalance, and that, coupled with irrational defense mechanisms (anorexia), requires the attention of medical and mental health professionals.
So essentially, I'm suggesting you go get some bloodwork and therapy yourself. Maybe vitamins will help too but those should be taken with the guidance of a qualified medical health practitioner.
I wish you good mental health, and the courage to seek help.
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