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Can a guy love one woman and be sleeping with another?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 March 2009) 7 Answers - (Newest, 20 March 2009)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

Hello, everyone! Can a guy love one woman and be sleeping with another? He has indicated his love for me but is with a girlfriend. Now I'm with another guy and the guy who talks about our love is angry with me. Should I tell the guy who say she loves me that I love him as well, or should I just ignore his non-verbal gestures of anger? I know I'm using my current boyfriend and it's wrong and I plan on breaking up with him tomorrow but I do love this other guy. Should I tell the guy who's not my boyfriend that I love him, or what do you think?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009):

I had a boyfriend who broke up with me, only to see me again, tell me he loves me, but is with another woman who he trashes all the time. His family also trashes her...she is ugly, heavy, nothing attractive...even her personality is brash. He says he doesn't want to hurt her feelings so he is still with her. I refuse to see him but it breaks my heartg.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks to all of you for your common-sense feedback. You confirmed what I already knew. I've decided to avoid this guy that I love and concentrate on this new guy. If the guy that I love really wants me then he knows where to find me. He's extremely attractive and I don't imagine the women in his life have avoided him like I will. He's probably had women falling at his feet, and I won't be one of the anymore.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009):

Some guys can be in love with one woman and still sleep with 34 others. That doesn't make it right.

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A male reader, Tomas United States +, writes (2 March 2009):

Sometimes the man meanings of the word Love can make it almost meaningless.

"Can a guy love one woman and be sleeping with another?"

If by love, you mean thinking she is pretty or sexy or funny, or that she makes you feel special or happy to be around, then a guy or gal can love many people at the same time, much as a parent can love many children.

But people are also jealous, and want to feel special, and while more partners can make you feel more special, if you see them with someone else, it makes you feel less special. Catch-22. And exactly how your male friend is behaving.

That's the problem with the word Love. We treat like something inherently magical, rather than a combination of adolescent desires/endorphins ("feeling" love) and adult responsibilities ("doing" love).

If Love means treating someone with respect, and consideration, and putting their interests on par with your own, acting ethically, then the answer is No, you cannot love someone and sleep with someone else. If it is mere feelings, then Yes, you can.

Confusing the feelings of Love, for the commitment to the doing of Love, is the root of a lot of heartache.

Watch out for people who say they love you, as if the emotion were enough.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009):

yes, tell him - you have nothing to loose. If he does indeed love you it will a big fat clear invitation to have you - but he needs to be available.

Tell him - but tell him you aren;t prepared to sit back and wait too long - give him some time but if he doesn't act = you will have to make the decision to move on - really this time - and try and find love elsewhere.

Hope it works out.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009):

My ex is the same.

Says he loves me, but sleeps with other girls.

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A female reader, jessica04 United States +, writes (2 March 2009):

jessica04 agony auntIf the other guy really wants to be with you, he will let his current GF down gently to be with you.

Whether he does or not, you still shouldn't be stringing around some poor sap who you don't seem to want to be with. Don't think you're doing him any favors by keeping him on as a safety net. He would much rather be with someone who wants to be with him just as much.

If it was all meant to be, it will unfold. But remember, actions speak louder than words. Tell him you love him, but the ball is really in his court.

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