A
female
age
36-40,
*ueenbee21
writes:I am 27. My husband and I started dating when I was 20. I loved him very much and he was my very best friend. He passed away a little over a month ago at age 28. He was very sick. I waited on him hand and foot and did everything to try to make him better. We went to the best Drs in the world and nothing worked. I miss him very much and I'd give everything I own just to talk to him, kiss him, hug him one more time. However, I've found that I am now (never was before) attracted to 2 people. His best friend and one of my friends boyfriend. His best friend and my husband were so similar and both have/had hearts of gold so I guess I can understand that attraction. But my friends boyfriend I can't understand. They haven't been dating long and she treats him like crap...I don't get it.I feel guilty for having these feelings. I've even felt tempted to tell my friends bf all the rotten crap she pulls. She cheats on him and tells everyone the thought of having sex with him grosses her out (he's very cute though...)Then when my hubbys friend announced he was getting married I was jealous and kepting thinking...i'm prettier than her. This isn't who I am. I'm a nice person....my brain is broken...any thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): Hi
I agree with q1605. Keep yourself busy, this will soon pass.
Love :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): It's just been a month since you lost a part of your heart. Someone important in your life is now gone. You are still grieving. I find it to be highly unlikely you are thinking clear and have sincere feelings/attractions for any of these men. You are subconsciously looking for someone/something to fill that void in your heart, grabbing the first and best you see. It's okay, it can help you cope and get through the day. Finding something to obsess about can help in small portions, hehe. Im sorry that I think it's funny, of course it's not funny to you. But everyone one who looses someone precious to them can tell you similar stories.
Just know in the depths of your heart that these feelings are untrue, just a temporary fixation. They can help you cope. But don't act out on it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): you don't love your husband at all.He only passed away for a month and you want to choose bf now.What kind of woman that you are,I don't meaing to never date , but its just amonth.. are you sick and crazy...people dating another guys when time passed like one to two year. not like you. You will never be find someone like your husband.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (15 October 2009):
 Sorry to hear about your husband. I think you're still mourning the loss and these 'feelings' you have for the other men are not genuine. You've just experienced a huge loss and you're subsconsciously trying to make yourself feel better. You seem to understand your attraction to the best-friend. I think you're attracted to the other guy because you feel that he needs to be cared for. His girlfriend doesn't treat him right and you probably have this need to take care of the guy, like you took care of your husband.
Don't feel guilty for your feelings. Don't bottle them up and don't deny them. What you do about them is the more important thing. I know that you won't tell these guys how you feel but if you're ever tempted to do that, take a step back and realize that these feelings are not genuine and will not last. Your mind is just trying to deal with the loss and the first thing we do when we lose someone or something is to find something/someone else so that we can feel better instantly. We don't do this on purpose and that's maybe why you're confused. You are right, this is not you.
You've known your husband for a long time and have spent the hardest part of his life with him, of course you're feeling like this. What you need to do is realize that it's ok to feel all of this but that you shouldn't act upon it. I think you'd benefit from talking to someone, just to get things out of your system. The mourning process will take time and you will feel many different things along the way. I think you need to give yourself time to mourn the loss of your husband.
I wish you all the best :)
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A
male
reader, passion1123  +, writes (15 October 2009):
Well I would say go with the flow.Why do u need to stay alone when your "brain" is ready to move on.
Is "I was alone for such and such years after my husband and in the process I set a world record of loneliness"..kind of crap needs to be religiously followed??
All you have to take care U have to take care that U r not giving any impression that u r a frustated woman unable to handle loneliness.Thats it and thats all.
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A
female
reader, jessd1989 +, writes (15 October 2009):
Im so sorry to hear about your lost..You are very vulnerable at this time and there is no reason to feel ashamed about your feelings..You are finding common area's in men that remind you of your husband..You should step back on those feelings though..You should grieve and go to counseling because talking to someone may help you find out more reasons about these feelings..I hope the best for you..
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