A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I live alone.My boyfriend and his 2 children came to visit at the weekend. Apparently they vandalised and damaged my neighbour's garden and wrote on his walls. He claims to have a witness to this behaviour. I am probably going to have to pay him damages. I don't know how to tell my boyfriend or if I even should, because he doesn't get along with my neighbour. He will probably fly off the handle. He believes "boys will be boys" and that my neighbours are just intolerant of children.Help!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 This should be the big red flag in your relationship. You need to tell him what his kids did and see how he handles the responsibility for making things right with the neighbor. If he flies off the handle or if he refuses to pay for the damages then you'd best look forward to opening the purses strings over and over again with these kids. His actions resolving this situation will be very revealing as to your future relationship. Pay close attention.
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (23 February 2011):
 Yes, boys will be boys and boys will continue to be boys until they are taught that destructive and undesirable behaviors are not accepted.
Your bf should be made aware of what has happened and you and him, along with his boys should go talk to the neighbor and the witness and find out what happened. IF these boys did damage and vandalize property then they need to be corrected and not just allowed to run around with complete freedom.
Since they vandalized it, can they clean it up? Do they get an allowance that they can help pay for the damages with? Can they do work for the neighbor to pay for the destruction? Daddy writing a check and "saving" his boys from what they did isn't going to do anyone any favors.
Tell your bf. They are his children and he needs to know. He doesn't sound like a very disciplinary father. Actions and consequences, things like that.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 Of course you have to tell him ! What do you want to do, pay on his behalf for the damage HIS kids cause ? And if it happens again... and again ? And it will happen again, unless your bf is stung in the wallet, which will probably make him reconsider his " boys will be boys " mentality.
Which he has no right to impose on anybody, btw. He is free to have a relaxed, easy going parenting style- until he keeps his kids at home, away from other people 's gardens and properties.
It may be very possible that your neighbours are grouchy people who are intolerant of children - so ? They have any right to be that way if so they choose and any right to not tolerate children writing on their walls .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): Yu must tell him what has happned and children need to behave and you have to tell your BF to speak to your Neighboure and apologise to them and make good the damages.
If you do not speak now then this will become a regular affair and you shall end loosing out.
I would be surprised if he were to fly off the handle for somthing he is responsible for.
I have kids and sure want to know what my kids are up to and if they behaved like this then they are grounded for a long long time and maybe even get a slap.
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