A
female
age
36-40,
*ms51087
writes:Hi, I have a bit of a bizarre problem and was wondering if anyone could give me some advice about how to deal with it.My boyfriend was with his ex girlfriend for 2 years and i know they meant loads to each other. they had a pretty rocky relationship and they hurt eachother lots but were apparently really in love. She ended things, but they turned up at the same uni a year later, where he met me!We've now been together almost 3 years but ive noticed some strange things around campus at uni...1) my friends kept noticing that "some girl" would stare at me loads in the su bar and when i looked over it would be her and she'd evil me. I assumed she doesnt want him but doesnt want anyone else to have him so left her to it.2) after a few months i dyed highlights in my hair and when i next saw her at uni she'd dyed her hair the same as mine. coincidence, maybe....then i dyed tiger stripes and she again copied...then i dyed the whole front of mine blonde with blonde chunks in too and next time i saw her she'd done the same!!! Ive now dyed it all back to brown and have yet to see her since!!3) the last few times ive seen her she's been wearing items of clothing that i own too. Fair enough it could be a coincidence as i shop at topshop and h and m lots but my friends have also seen her in identical outfits to me!!!the worrying thing about this is that i feel totally trapped about what to do. Do i tell him and risk him confronting her (in which case im afraid she'll turn it around on me and say im copying her to try and split us up)or do i tell him and risk him thinking she still wants him to want her?? or do i just continue to hide it from him?? He said recently that i look quite like her and im worried she's doing this on purpose to try and make me look insecure as apparently she's quite "individual"!! argh! also when i first met my bf id been with a guy who stopped me wearing eyeliner and dressing alternatively so im worried that if she does accuse me of copying her it will b more believable as my image changed quite drastically at the start of uni =( its such a mess.The scary thing is i have a facebook and myspace account and for the last 3 years someone keeps looking at my profiles almost everyday as the number goes up so much, and when i set my facebook to private someone hacked it and set my pics to public. when i realised and changed it back they keep attempting to log in. I think it might be her which would explain how she's getting my hair styles and cuts, and also clothes ideas.Do i tell him and risk it all back firing or just hope she gives up??
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female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (23 August 2009):
 I would ignore her - telling your BF or getting freaked out is only giving her a reaction/attention - and fueling this weird behaviour further.
Maybe try saying "nice haircut" next time - which she would totally not expect - if she thinks you don't care it won;t be as much fun for her.
having said this - she does sound a bit looney - maybe keeping a record of weird incidents 'just in case' is not a bad idea.
A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (22 August 2009):
 It sounds as if you have a stalker/admirer whichever way you want to look at it, although its clearly making you feel uncomfortable.You dont have any evidence this girl has hacked into your account although if you do feel unsafe and violated in privacy the best thing you can do is report it to the police.Try and keep a copy of diary of events for them to look at. The police can then get to the bottom of whats really going on in all this.If your bf is understanding you can tell him that she stares at you and copied the changes with your hair a couple of times and that you are worried.This girl obviously has insecurity issues and if she doesnt get the wakeup call she needs her behaviour will increase not decrease.Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Neboraic +, writes (22 August 2009):
I would wait, if you think it is reducing. If she is carrying on without slowing down at all then you should let him know but neither of you should try to take drastic action. She is an obsessive person and has plenty of time and energy to annoy you. These people are best dealt with by ignoring them and with a soft approach. This girl may want nothing more than to aggravate you, she may even enjoy it, therefore direct confrontation is unwise.I realise that it is trapping, but it would improve your life if you can adapt to it, learn to not let it bother you. And why would this all backfire, your boyfriend should be on your side automatically.
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