A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:.Hi ALL,My Boyfriend and I were fighting alot this week. Anyway he did bring up Marriage alot. After our fight he said he wanted to live with me before we get married. He then went on to say he did not know me. I paused and stated this was new to me because he has never mentioned this. He stays with me one week one week off in my city, which he works in.He has a child he lives an hour away from me. He lives in a city that snows a lot it is very isolated. Where I live it does not snow as much and I love living in my city it is busy and I started a great career. Anyway in the past over the summer. He spoke about moving to my city and keeping his child during the summer. I talked him out of it several times. I told him it was not fair to his child at all. He wants to stay in his city because its where his child goes to school. Now, he wants me to move to his city that I hate by August. I told him It feels like he is living with me already he is with me every other week. I told him I am not ready to move it is very costly.I told his stands of a partner moving Is fine but, I told him I am not moving an hour away to place I hate with a partner that does not want marriage. I told him we can break up or we can see what happens. Now, he kept dropping hints that he purchased an engagement ring. I told Him I do not want to get married if he is not ready. I am not sure what to do. I am pregnant with my first child…..He said he wants to be there every moment with the child I am just not ready to move. I would like to get married but only when the timing is right. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2020): "I would like to get married but only when the timing is right."
Too bad you don't share the same mindset when it comes to having children.
You've conceived a child for whom you have no apparent current intention of planning a long-term future in a loving, secure, stable home.
You need to start putting your child's well being ahead of your love life, and that includes doing whatever you possibly can to ensure the kid having an active, involved father in his/her life at all possible times.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2020): You're pregnant, so you may as well get married and live together.
If you don't want to move, don't move; but if a man starts hinting around about marriage, you better strike while the iron is still hot! You're goofing-off, and messing-around; but you've already started things out of order. The order is date, fall in-love, get engaged; and then get married and start a family. You got pregnant, you live together every other week, and marriage is up in the air. You really need to get your priorities straight.
You don't want to marry unless he wants to? But you're already pregnant! He's hinting about marriage. If you've gone as far as getting pregnant, it seems logical you'd want to get married and create a family together.
Who says you have to move! Stand your ground about not moving. There are things that can be compromised and negotiated. If you love the guy, get engaged, and you can decide on a wedding day in the future. Engagements can be as long as you'd like them to be.
I read the entire post. I don't see anywhere in it where you say you love each-other. Then I can see where you're uncertain. Then if he proposes, the answer is no. You can stay put, have your kid, and do it all alone. No doubt you'll make sure he takes financial-responsibility; and be a good father to his child.
I suspect this has a lot to do with him having another child; which has to be attached to his ex/baby's mama.
Is she why you're hesitant and undecided? The distance he has to travel to get to you keeps him farther from her, and maybe you'd rather he be more focused on the baby you're having? Keep testing him and playing games; and once he changes his mind, then you'll be upset about that too!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2020): One of the oldest tricks in the book is for a guy to buy you an engagement ring, then the engagement goes on and on and on and there is never any wedding. He gets everything he wants - you are faithful to him, at his beck and call, make a fuss of him and all the rest, and all he gives you is a ring and a promise.
Another is to talk about living together and marriage later. Same thing - the marriage never happens. Always excuses.
But what is so great about getting married anyway? YOu have your own career etc, you don't need a man. You may want one but you are not one of those loser saddo women who totally rely on one and need to shackle him to her with a piece of paper and a promise he might break one day.
Having a child with someone is a huge commitment, I would not do that outside of living together and being married - each to their own.
You seem to rush in to some things that others would reject or think more carefully about and then make a big issue out of the things that are less important.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 November 2020):
 I think you are being a little unrealistic here.
You are ALREADY pregnant by him, but do not want to live with him unless you are married. And even then, you HATE the place he lives in, but for a ring you will suck that up.
Why get pregnant BEFORE marriage? And BEFORE really living together?
It seems like he can't do it right. He hints at marriage but you think he only mention it because YOU said you won't move without a ring.
You hate the place where he lives, and he offered to move to where YOU live and have his child every summer. You declined that.
Figure out WHAT you actually want and then TALK to him without all these games and presumption that you can read his mind.
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