A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently, I was randomly googling people I know out of intense boredom. I googled my boyfriend and I found his dating profile on some sleazy site. His pictures consisted of inappropriate shots of him that he had sent to me when we were forced to be long distance for a few months due to school. All his "friends" were female. I looked at the date the profile was created and it was made during the week we had broken up. (We have since gotten back together, and have been together for 1+ years.) But the last time he logged in was last week.Now I am his first real life girlfriend, but he has had many "cyber-girlfriends" over the years. And he has met these girls on dating sites such as this one.Through all of our problems, I thought we were both happy with our relationship. We have had our ups and downs in the past but through this we had become closer. He's told me I am the only one he wants to be with and he cant see himself with anyone else. If this is true, why does he have this profile? Why did he put those pictures up? Why did he make the profile in the first place if we only broke up for a week?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): You need to ask him all the questions you are asking us. That is how you will reach the truth. Let him know it upsets you and ask what he is prepared to do to make you happy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): Hello!
Sorry to hear about this. In general, men do not like emotional roller coasters with ups and downs as most are not emotional beings therefore he prob feels a risk for the future of the two of you and has, as a result, created rather out of poor communication to you, a dating profile. Eeven if things were fixed, perhaps he has some things stuck in the back of his mind. Id say he has some thoughts about the relationship that need some clearing up. Its quite possible he wants to end it or he could just be wanting to have fun. If he's wanting to have fun, then he needs to break things off and not tie you into this. I find this immature and also disrespectful towards you. Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (22 December 2010):
Ask him what he feels is missing in your relationship. There must be something or he wouldn't feel the need to login to this dating website. In fact, I would be pretty sure that if he was totally fulfilled in the relationship then he would delete the profile.
Try not to approach him with an attitude of accusation but rather a genuine concern about fixing this issue. That way he is more likely to respond and be open and honest with you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 December 2010):
 I actually don't think there are any questions that you need to ask your boyfriend. Why ask him things that he'll make up lies about and beat around the bush making up an explanation?
This one is simple. If he's telling you that you're the only one for him and that he can't see himself with anyone else, but yet he's maintaining an active dating profile, then he is a liar.
It's also possible that he's contemplating breaking up with you anyways. Some guys will settle for who they're with until they find someone else. Cowardly and dishonest, but it happens.
It's a good possibility that some of those ongoing fights you two have had are fostering resentment in him, so he's keeping his options open in case you break up with him again.
I think you should confront him about what you're seeing. I would confront him about the fact that what he's saying to you doesn't line up with his actions. Then sit back and let him say his piece. If he brings up resentments, talk them out. If he lies to you, break up with him. If he calls you paranoid or yells at you for daring to find the site, drop him.
The last thing you should do is ask questions you know he'll lie about. You know why he put up the profile (he was broken up with you!). You know why he's still accessing it. (he's keeping his options open!). You know why the pictures are there. (again, he's keeping his options open).
The correct question is, why is he keeping his options open? Not "What is your profile doing here?" or "Why are you still looking at it?".
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (22 December 2010):
Those are better questions for your boyfriend. We don't have those answers--he does. You need to tell him you found out about the profile and make a decision as to whether or not you want to stay with him.
But a wild guess...the pictures are up so he can attract women, all his friends are women and he made the profile to hook up with other women. It's pretty black and white to me, but if you want details, you need to ask him. He probably won't give them to you but it's a better shot than on here.
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