A
female
age
30-35,
*ohannaB
writes:Hi Everyone, I might need some advice here.. I have a relationship with a young man since november 2010. He is one year younger and of Canadian origin, myself I am Swedish. We are in our twenties. We met in Sweden and have because of the whole travel situation been living together since our first day as a couple which we became roughly three months since we met the first time. It was very different when we met, BF was pretty shy but fun and sweet and gave me tons of attention and romantic suprises.I was always extremly social with tons of friends and very unromantic. I lost contact with most friends since we started to date. BF recuired 100% attention and we have only been apart like 6 days from each other since day 1. It is impossible to have friends in a relation like this. The more where together the more I changed. I am still very social but I am not as sporty or fitness oriented as I was once. He is now! And he wants me to follow on al this shit that I rather did not wich causes problems. The main problems which I think we have is that we often have small quiet arguments and that our sexlife is no exisiting. I simply don't want to have sex with him- only one day in the month if he is lucky and that is the first day after my period. I find him attractive just that things are on repeat and when I try to talk to him about this- what happens is that I get to dominant. It is very hard not be seen as dominant since BF is a very shy towards me and not used to think creative, take initiaives or solve problems. His parents always decided everyhting and they still do this for him. Sometimes I feel like just screaming that he should learn to think on his own. As a person I always made my own decision and always got told - Use your own brain! At work I always take initiative and come with creative problem solving. Beeing together with a person who simply cant do any of this makes me frustrated. It feels like we are too different at this point. Then we have different backgrounds- I have been travelling around the world since the age of 16 at my own hand, payed by my parents. I have learned several languages and snapped up a beautiful warderobe and i always wear make up etc. Whne I met BF he was wearing sweats and band shirts... I have been working over the summer since the age of 14 and had after age 16 always been working exra at the side of my studies. I always help out! I would never refuse my parents my help- I bake bread daily ( we are living together for a short time at my parents house before I and BF move to France) I clean daily- even if we have cleaners comming and I have been taking good care óf the garden. I love to help and I can neither just go around a whole day without working or doing something important. BF gets very angry at how I resonate. BF is used to get everything served and his parents hate when he cooks or cleans at his child home. His parents rather decide what he should do next. We often argue about this now when we live at my parents place. I secretly call him a brat and I think he is silly who cant take the initiative to help someone out- without them asking. How is he going to be in the future? When we have babies am I going to have to ask for his help?I now that I often structurize things up and makes sure everything happens, I know that I somehow is the strongest partner in our relationship. I think that I somehow replace his mother and father. I never asked for this and I feel tricked into this----- In the beginning everyhting was fun and there was flowers and chocolate. Now I am somekind of Border collie working full time to get his ass moving.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2012): Ok, you cant change who he is, but he can make an effort with some of these things. I shouldnt say he isnt right for you, sorry, many people that are opposite work out, they say opposites can attract. But only if you can appreciate these opposites and love them for who they are, Right now they are not appreciated obviously. First thing you should work on is getting his confidence up and finding him friends. Even couples need space from time to time and those breaks can help your patience with him. The other things will take time and patience for they are habit, but do know these are not his fault as he was raised this way. You can start trying to improve this with small things, say for example... do you like this dress or this one. Lol maybe thats not the best example but im sure you get the point.
A
female
reader, JohannaB +, writes (27 August 2012):
JohannaB is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI talked to him about everything very honestly last night before we fell asleep. I told him that this isent as exciting as it used to be for me anymore and that I wish to find that sparkle again.
It is just like even though the simplest way out would be to say goodbye and then go off travelling around alone a year or two, that I still choose the heard way. The hard way meaning trying to solve this out and find a way back to what it used to be. Remeber I mentioned that I met his parents? Just because I know them well I think I might feel just to embarresed giving up on him. My grandma would turn in her grave too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): To be simply and blunt, he is just not the right match for you and things happened to soon, not that its your fault do to travel but they did.
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