A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been fighting a lot lately. Ridiculous as it may sound, its over small things, like not saying goodnight, not saying I love you, forgetting to say goodmorning, not picking up when calling...frivolous reasons and some significant ones, ultimately after that we would both come to terms and agree to do better next time. It is already established that we need more work when it comes to our communication and we are barely doing good on that because he shuts down and is very stubborn. He has this attitude of withholding things I ask from him just because I asked and just for him to be able to prove a point. I feel its hurting our relationship, and as much as I love him, I really am starting to resent him with every fight.Am I too demanding? Too clingy? I cant seem to figure out how it doesnt seem like he is learning from our previous fights.I need advise.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2015): I think you may be too demanding and clingy as you said. I've read 'our fights' as HE is not saying good night as I EXPECT, HE is not saying I love you when I WANT/EXPECT to hear it, ..... , I RESENT/CANNOT TOLERATE when HE is not picking up when I am calling....
As a guy, I can tell you that he needs his own space, his own way, his own slice of independence. May may not be socially adept, but it is not your job to fix him. Either you can live with him the way he is or try to fix him and have more of weird and useless fights.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe see eachother everyday. I have not moved in with him yet despite him suggesting it. We fight over trivial things, and I must admit I end up pointing things out. However, he has his instances too as to why I dont get the time to say goodmorning on my way to work, why I dont pick up. There were times when he admited that he has acted so difficult because I hurt him before due to one issue that never seems to get resovled (because we have poor communication). So, somehow it makes me think that he does this things intentionally.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2015): Shutting down communication can be a kind of self defense. Not saying i love you isn't necessarily about proving a point. I think a person should say that because they are feeling it not because its an obligation. These do all seem to be minor things to be fighting about. Which one of you is picking these fights?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 February 2015):
 I have to agree with SVC
You are TRYING to train him to behave a certain way, and now that he ISN'T complying you are unhappy.
You can't change who he is, you can "fix" this alone. IF he doesn't THINK that these issues are problematic, but that he just gives you lip-service to shut you up and move on, it will KEEP happening, and.. it does.
Case in point? You write:
"He has this attitude of withholding things I ask from him just because I asked and just for him to be able to prove a point."
He isn't just doing it to "prove a point" he is doing it because HE DOESN'T agree with you. You want it to be YOUR way, he is telling you no.
I'd say you two aren't a very good match at all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2015): You are demanding. He shuts down because whatever you want is meaningless at least to him. It maybe meaningful to you but if another party finds it useless then you are howling in the wind. Lighten up and let your man be free. If he loves you, respects you and provides for you why are you busting his balls with bullshit? Lighten up, relax and let your man enjoy you rather then you enjoying your anger over things that are trivial.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 February 2015):
 if you are fighting over things like "forgetting to say good morning" I don't think you two are cut out for each other
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (23 February 2015):
 How much time do you spend together? I have been in your same position but the reason as to why we were having so many fights about pointless things were due to us ALWAYS being together!
I personally think from what you have put that maybe the reason as too why you are both arguing too much over silly things is because both of you might be putting too much effort into trying not too mess things up.
In relationships everyone has their good and bad points.. and if we all brought up every bad point when it came too out partners we would constantly be arguing with them!
Who is the one who brings up things like "forgetting to say goodmorning"? If its you who constantly brings things like this up, then maybe you are too demanding simply because things such as this means nothing. By the sounds of it you should both learn to be more chilled out and laid back when it comes to stuff like this... because silly arguments such as this is normally what ends up being your downfall, and who wants to split up over something like that?
I think maybe you should both calmly sit down together and get everything out in the open. Let him know what irritates you.. such as when he witholds things from you on purpose. You should both get everything out of your system which you both think contributes to these silly arguments.. and maybe you should both try and identify what actually starts them.
I think maybe once this is spoken about, he should understand more as too how to avoid these fights and how to not do things on purpose which he know's makes it hard for both of you to communicate with on and other and you should do the same when it comes to things that may annoy him. This should help clear the air and help him to understand to not repeat mistakes... honesty is the best policy after all! Good luck x
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