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anonymous
writes: i have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. i love him to pieces i really do, but he has never made me feel loved or special. just recently he has been making his own decisions and going out to do whatever he wants which is fine, i just get mad as he never runs it by me like the "couple" thing you do. Also i have a real problem with porn i hate it with passion. i have told him this but i dont have a sex life anymore because he is always watching porn and you know what when i am at work. it really hurts me as this is the only time i ever feel close to him as he shows me no attention otherwise also it makes me feel like i am not good enough for him that he needs to watch other girls. it hurts so much. i have talked to him but he denies it and it starts an arguement. i dont want to lose him. i love him but it is tearing me apart please help me get some answers and hopefully some self confidence back.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (28 January 2005):
 The most important thing for you to do immediately is to try to restore your confidence as your boyfriend is certainly not offering you the reassurance and boost that you deserve. He wants to do what he wants to do which doesn't always include you. I think you need to develop your own independence and go out and meet new people, find new friends and a social life. I know it isn't easy to do this but please do give it a go.Try talking calmly to your boyfriend as to being able to talk about making decisions together and how you wish to feel reassured that he does love you like you do him.As for the porn, I do understand how you feel and it does hurt very much. He should be lavishing you with the attention that porn gets from him. Try to think of this as a man does. He isn't lusting after the women, he just sees two people having sex and thinks yippee!! Thats men for you. Women are more stimulated emotionally. You are the real thing that he needs to appreciate. Try suggesting you watch it together (if you want to, that is) or go out and buy some sex toys that he may find. This will make him realise that you are also getting pleasure from elsewhere. I know it is a bit of tit for tat but he needs to realise that you are worth more than the way he is treating you. (Anyway, you could derive some fun from them!)Good luck.
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